Dad moving to care home - I feel terrible

[Jane_21071]

Thanks BB,
Yes, all very draining indeed. Turns out dad’s new room has no toilet, tv doesn’t work and only one hot meal a day.
So many things to sort out …
Will post with other questions as and when. Browsing through the forum is very helpful x

Happy to help.
If you tell the bank you've been told he's not fit to go home, suspected dementia, they should understand.
I reclaimed £8,000 from Hampshire on behalf of mum, when they didn't apply the rules properly.
My top pieces of advice right now would be
1) DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!
2) Ask for them to email everything to you - refuse to engage in long phone calls. They may say something that they deny later.
It's already clear from your posts that the LA is trying to intimidate you into doing things.

Your own financial situtation is irrelevant. Ignore any comments about "top ups". Unlawful!
Any assessment must be done solely on dad's own money and assets.

Feel free to ask the forum anything you like, it's a huge learning curve.
It's also incredibly draining, extra so in your own circumstances.

[bowlingbun]

Long term, what do you want to happen now?
Would it be better if he was moved to a care home near you AFTER they've worked out what is really wrong with him, i.e. Parkinsons etc.?
Did they do a brain scan to rule out dementia?

[Jane_21071]

Long term, what do you want to happen now?
Would it be better if he was moved to a care home near you AFTER they've worked out what is really wrong with him, i.e. Parkinsons etc.?
Did they do a brain scan to rule out dementia?

I think I’d like to have him moved to a care home nearer me. Asked the care home about the Parkinson’s tests and they said they didn’t know anything about that and it wasn’t in his notes! So been trying to get in touch with his GP to chase that. The CPN is going to visit him tomorrow to see about the memory clinic and I told the care home to check with her about the Parkinson’s. He had a brain scan back at the main hospital in April when he fell and doctors said there was no sign of ‘new’ deterioration, though noted how confused he was.

[bowlingbun]

If there was no sign of "new" deterioration, surely that suggests that there was some identified previously?

[Penny]

There is such a thing as Parkinson’s dementia.

Just popping in and out.

[Jane_21071]

Thanks Penny and BB,
We have a date for 3rd August at the memory clinic so hopefully we’ll get some answers now. In the meantime he’s been put in isolation for 14 days in the care home because he moved in from a hospital. He’s not at all happy complains about the isolation and loneliness - it’s all very sad …

[Penny]

It really is terrible Jane about care home residents having to isolate when they come from hospital. I am sure your Dad is feeling lonely and isolated. A few of my friends parents have been in this position and really struggled. It’s actually like being in prison.

One friend’s Mum isolated for 14 days when she moved into a care home. She spent one day after that getting to know people, then had a fall and they insisted she should go to hospital. She then had to spend another 14 days in isolation and was distraught.

[Jane_21071]

How sad for your friend’s mum - practically 28 days in isolation! And it’s all happening just at a time when they’re so vulnerable, going through a huge change and really need some care and personal attention. Heartbreaking x

[SHEELAGH _2201]

Hello Jane,
I have just joined the forum and read your post. I really hope the situation has improved. It must have been an awful time for you especially as you were ill yourself.
In the replies there was information, eg re. DWP appointees. My mother in law who has severe dementia has been living with us for 18months and I had never heard about it.
I really do hope you don't still feel terrible.

[William_2201]

Stay strong. You both need to get through this