could i, dare i.

[susieq]

Hi Pam - we used the Alzheimer's check list too, but we also asked ourselves the question "would I like to live here ?". If the answer was 'yes' then it went on the short list.

[pamr1]

thank you susie, i understand what you are saying. pam x

[pamr1]

well, mum has been in the care home almost a week now. best place i could find in the area. nice bright room overlooking the garden. staff lovely, or those i have met so far are and i am sure they all are. only 22 residents.

as for mum, well very unhappy really. saying all the time she is going to kill herself. she has been saying this for years, so no different. i was really hoping that with people around her and people to look after her she wwould be better. but no, its seems that these thoughts are stuck in her head going round and round and she cannot think of anything else. still telling me what a terrible daughter i am and no matter what i say, nothing helps. she says she wants to go back to her flat, but there is no way she can look after herself. even with carers going in 3 or 4 times per day, she could fall and have to wait to be found. she would not wear her link line, she could not cook for herself, wash herself properly, etc.etc. but of course she is insisting that she can do all these things, plus shopping cleaning etc. still thinks she is going out to work and she retired over 30 years ago.
She is on 4 week trial at the moment and staff are telling me that she will settle, but i just know she won't after visiting yesterday. oh dear.

[susieq]

She is on 4 week trial at the moment and staff are telling me that she will settle, but i just know she won't after visiting yesterday

Pam it really is very early days still - a week is no time at all.

It took my Mum a couple of months to settle properly - she went in at the end of September and it was nearly Christmas before she accepted the care home was now 'home'. You will probably see a difference by the end of week 3 We were lucky that we were able to extend the trial period - as it was I nearly caved in and took her home at the end of the first 4 weeks ! But everyone kept telling me not to do that and to 'hang in there' and it did get better and she did settle.

[Anne001]

Just wanted to send you a (((hug))), Pam. You are doing what is right for mum. But unfortunately what you (and I) can't do is make them happy. She is safe, warm, fed - the alternative is at home with none of those things.

Hope she settles but also hope that you settle and enjoy some time with your family.
Anne
x

[pamr1]

thank you ladies, feeling very low at the moment. x

[rosemary]

You made the right decision for all concerned Pam. Like the others have said, it takes time. As difficult as it is hearing mam say these things, the reality of the situation had she been allowed to return home does not bear thinking of, for either of you.

x x

[pamr1]

mum was just as bad yesterday when i visited, shouting at me what a terrible daughter i was and she was going to kill herself and all i wanted was her money.

i just had a lovely phone call from the care home saying i am not to feel guilty, and its the dementia thats making mum say these things. telling me its my time to enjoy myself now. etc.etc.certainly made me feel a lot better, for now anyway.

its soooooo good being able to off load everything on here, thank you so much for your support. pam x