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Confronting the carer of a Dementia sufferer. - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

Confronting the carer of a Dementia sufferer.

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
81 posts
As it says "anyone welcome" on the webpage, then surely it would be against the Equality Act if the group refuse to allow the man and his wife admission?
As it says "anyone welcome" on the webpage, then surely it would be against the Equality Act if the group refuse to allow the man and his wife admission?

I am not a lawyer, but as far as I am aware, private societies are still able to set their own rules for membership. Perhaps somebody who is a lawyer will comment on this. Sometimes different areas of legislation even contradict one another.

Tristesa
Tristessa -thank God for people like you on this website who can be of genuine supportive help. I had replied to the earlier posts on my IPhone and hadn't seen yours, so apologies for not mentionning you. There are many reasons why some cmttee members may not wish to rock the boat I.e business help in the past and more for the future etc. Sadly this issue seems to have ignited the imaginations of a section of the readership in some unhelpful ways.
Sadly this issue seems to have ignited the imaginations of a section of the readership in some unhelpful ways.
I would not say 'unhelpful' Irene, just different. You have been round long enough and posted enough to know the typed word brings forth many different interpretations. In a way its akin to a football match wherein you could have 50,000 spectators. They all see the 'same' incident on the field but their views can differ so widely, even those supporting the same team.

I agree with Tristesa, the Chairman should be sorting this situation.
According to the published rules of this society this Committee of Nine people may admit any person to membership and may suspend or remove any person from membership.

The rules do not state how the committee are obliged to reach decisions. Majority vote or total agreement?

Perhaps this needs some refinement before action is taken?

Perhaps this is the crux of the matter? A small group of just nine people who have failed to agree if any action is necessary and who have no rules to guide them. Lessons to be learnt.

The rules also state that the committee shall comprise of The President plus the immediately outgoing President (past). Plus others. A rule possibly relevant to this situation.
Communication. Personally, I always find Sajehars responses refreshingly frank, full of clarity and easy to comprehend. I feel I know where I am with Sajehar and that I am not stepping in treacle.

In fact I think you, Irene, have been very lucky to have every single one of these responses from each of the members commenting here on the subject which you opened.

They may not be what you wanted to hear but they have each attempted to open your mind on the situation you seem to be trying to control.

Stepping into a forum is akin to walking into a public space of unknown dimensions where you will find an audience that has NOT been selected by yourself. Some will walk by and ignore you. Some will take to the time to respond.

With your interest in improving your public speaking skills this should be known to you without me having to spell it out for you.

Other groups you might find of value might be debating groups and groups which encourage effective listening skills. Linked pursuits which might help round up your life skills might be fun for you to pursue, when you have time.
Hi Irene
Sorry if I was a bit bitchy in my last post, heat of the moment stuff, that's the black side of instant messaging.
My purpose here is to warn you whatever you not to post a letter without all committees members signature who approve the letter, and it being sent out; the consequences could be dire for you otherwise. To illustrate my point, I shall describe what happened me when I did not do the above. The circumstances are very different to yours but the principles remain the same.

In the 90's me and fellow artists set up the MVAF (Merseyside Visual Artists Forum) to fight the system. In a month we had over 200 members and a committee. Many local galleries didn't exhibit enough local artists often enough, including the Bluecoat, which was supposed to, that being its remit. We decided to go on strike. How on earth can artists strike, I here you ask yourself?
Easy, we refused en mass to turn up to their Private Views. Keep in mind that 80% of a galleries sales can happen on the opening night at the private view. Nobody turns up to quaff the frebbie free, it's usually god awful, and nobody really goes to see the work (if you're serious about that best go when it's quiet); it's primarily a social event. And the wealthier members on the mailing lists came to mainly slum it with the bohemian artists,it gave these layers, etc, a kick. Plonk, even cheap plonk, loosens wallets and liberates checkbooks. Our boycott worked and soon they were begging to exhibit us.
As secretary of the MVAF I wrote a letter, drafted by all of us, but signed only by me.
As these galleries assumed I was the ringleader - it wasn't even my idea - they blacklisted, and the NWAB also put me on some kind of black list.
A few other committee members, who'd been right behind the boycott, told these galleries they'd had nothing to do with it, no doubt fearing something similar. When the other committee members tried to exonerate me, these refusniks refused to back them up; this confused the galleries so much that it took months to get sorted, and my ban on being exhibited lifted.
Had I seen to it that all committee members had signed my letter, none of that would have happened.
We all ended up on speaking terms eventually, but people I'd know for years, and trusted and respected... well it was never the same again.
I hate for something similar to happen to you.
According to the published rules of this society this Committee of Nine people may admit any person to membership and may suspend or remove any person from membership.
...........
The rules do not state how the committee are obliged to reach decisions. Majority vote or total agreement?

Your points remind me of something that I meant to say in an earlier post of my own. When the situation is discussed in committee, and a motion detailing the planned action is placed before the committee, if there are no existing rules on the book about passing a resolution, it might be possible for the Chairman to stipulate the required majority in this case. Simple majority? (in this case, 5]Tristesa [/i]
As the mum of a son with severe learning difficulties, I can honestly say that societies constant rejections of a less than perfect child behaving less than perfectly has led me to deep despair at times. I dread to think how a recipient of your proposed email rejection will make him feel. He's already, living his worst nightmare. Do you really have to add to it, and by email!?
I'm sorry if you feel I was unhelpful, Irene.

I was merely pointing out the unconditional comment on your own website. You, and other members, appear to have set a condition that is not a part of any of your rules. Not one.

If I'd tried to do that in any of the organisations I've been involved in, I would have been drummed out - rightly - for breaching the rules.

I should point out that I have a right to post what I think is right - moderator or not. I have stepped back from moderating on this issue as I cannot trust myself to be objective on it.

I happen to think that your approach is dead wrong, and cannot see how it can be honestly justified within the rules of your organisation or the statement freely made without condition on your website. If you are set on a particular course, then perhaps this was not the forum to discuss it: you were always going to have a problem selling the idea to at least a proportion of the carers on this site. And frankly you must have known that.

If you are unhappy with my moderating, don't worry. That will be rectified soon enough.
81 posts