Aged mother (ill) but main problem is personality disorder

[Caring_Mind]

Oh Jessie, so sorry to hear this! No, you don't complain unneccessarily - I know what it's like trying to clean carpet and everywhere! That was the straw that broke my back! If it's any consolation, my mother refused to wear pads at first, but does now. I get her the Tena-lady pants as they are just like ordinary pants (with a bit of padding) so I'm not sure if she even realises she is wearing them.
Get back in touch with the adult social services. You're entitled to help.
Keep in touch and let us know what happens? x

[susieq]

So I soldier on, have had to rip up her bedroom carpet & have new tiling in bathroom. She absolutely refuses to wear a pad. Do I complain unnecessarily - ? - I know there are worse cases, I only have to scrape the stuff off the floor every 2/3 days.

Jessie - just a thought but have you been in touch with the incontinence nurse ? You might be able to get the pads that are like knickers; some of them can be laundered and used a few times.

I can understand your Mum not wanting to use pads as they do get very uncomfortable (remember using ST's when we were younger and how uncomfortable they were !)

[jessie]

Jessie - just a thought but have you been in touch with the incontinence nurse ? You might be able to get the pads that are like knickers; some of them can be laundered and used a few times. I can understand your Mum not wanting to use pads as they do get very uncomfortable (remember using ST's when we were younger and how uncomfortable they were !)[/quote]

Yes I remember ST's....ugh..) Incontinence nurses have visited but mother is adamant she is NOT incontinent and doesn't need them. When an "accident" is clear for all to see, she becomes haughty nasty and arrogant, she says (quotes:)
"it is the dog"
"you did it, and then you try to blame me, how DARE you..."
"well, it wasn't there last night"
"it most certainly was NOT me, I would never do such a thing"
"even if I had been ill, I would have cleaned it up"
"I insist that you save a sample and have it tested....the lab will PROVE it wasn't me".

[jessie]

You might find this hard to believe.

- Me & my daughter saw my mother's GP. He re-iterated that he's never received formal diagnosis from the psychiatrist for my mother, thus officially she has full mental capacity.

- GP said he'd received the recent psychiatic assessment of my mother - WHAT recent assessment???

Apparently the Psychiatrist had visited her at the Day Centre, without our knowledge and without the knowledge of Crossroads. Crossroads staff are appalled and scared.

(GP had been led to believe that we knew about this & had agreed.)

Just WHAT is this man up to?

[jessie]

Mum finally had the scan & been referred to a Urologist as her right kidney is failing....seems they might insert a drain.

I absolutely dread this. She will not be able to manage with a bag, will forget, damage herself etc., I honestly don't know how any environment would be OK for her, at home, in Residential Care, Hospital.

[Caring_Mind]

Sorry to read that things are still not very good, Jessie. Sometimes things aren't always as bad as we think they will be and I hope this may be true of your situation!
If she is in a Residential Home, hopefully the Staff will be trained in dealing with such things, although a Nursing Home may be better for her?
Keep on with the updates; thinking of you xx

[jessie]

Hi all,

It's almost 5 months since my last post. After 3 months, formal interpretation of Mother's scan revealed "incidental" find of right kidney failure. Suggest insert kidney drain. Final Decision: no intervention.

However, she's had only one episode of fecal incontinence since (which initially prompted scan).....makes us all wonder (and furious) that she's just attention seeking. 'Swelling of bowel' as first noticed by GP, not evident on scan. No medical reason for incontinence.

She spends her days lolloping on the settee, repeatedly asking who she is, where she is, what she should do. If someone calls she rouses herself and seems well, polite & cheerful, albeit with failing memory.

A new neighbour told me my mother always gives her such a good welcome. The new neighbour is a barrister.

I now hate her and I want to run away, but don't know where to go where anyone would understand me.

GP is still complaining of no diagnosis from Psychiatrist.

[ladybird]

Jessie I don't have any personal experience of a situation like yours but had to write and respond as I think the one thing that we all share, no matter who we care for, is the feeling that at times we want out. Completely.

I'm sure there is someone with more experience than coming along soon to help so try and hang in there..you really are not alone although I know it feels like it.
Sometimes our friends in cyberspace are more helpful and understanding and can point us in the right direction better than those in "real" life.

Take care x