[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
most heartbreaking words from mum ...."I'm sorry" - Carers UK Forum

most heartbreaking words from mum ...."I'm sorry"

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Mum has vascular dementia, it began with irregular heartbeat causing not enough oxygen to brain, which its since developed into ' a bit' of dementia ( Dr words not mine ).

Mum realises that things are muddled, mixed up, confused and can't understand why she is in this situatuon , i reassure her as best I can that we "all get mixed and muddled up from time to time" she laughs but then her expression tells me she KNOWS I am wrapping it up in cotton wool. A few times I have had to hear 3 words from mum which have forces me to !eave the room and absolutely cry my eyes out , "I am sorry" !!!!!!!
To hear your own mum/dad apologising for something that is NOT their fault with the follow up being "I can't help it, if I could help it I wouldn't do these things" ABSOLUTE BREAKS YOUR HEART, she said last week as I was changing her pad ( Which I absolutely could not care less about ) "oh I am sorry, you shouldn't have to do this for me" its just soooooooooooo awful to hear the worry in her voice , I brush it off and make light of it and then we have a cup of tea but its ringing round my head constantly how cruel this all is ......... :( :( :( :(

Judi
Sending ((hugs)), Judy. I remember my mum saying exactly the same thing. I also cried buckets the first time she didn't know who I was. Such a cruel disease. All I can say is take time to appreciate the good days because there will be good days. Store up some good memories, whatever they might be, because they give you something to hang onto on the bad days.

Keep telling her the "love lies" and hold her tight, Anne x
Anne001 wrote:Sending ((hugs)), Judy. I remember my mum saying exactly the same thing. I also cried buckets the first time she didn't know who I was. Such a cruel disease. All I can say is take time to appreciate the good days because there will be good days. Store up some good memories, whatever they might be, because they give you something to hang onto on the bad days.

Keep telling her the "love lies" and hold her tight, Anne x
Awwwww THANK YOU Anne.... much appreciated.
I will do as you say.... There are A LOT of good times .... We have a laugh .... but as you yourself know when your dear sweet mum says SORRY for something that is not her fault and her frail little body is bent and stooped I could just hurl plate upon plate upon plate at the wall as i cry buckets in my sadness ...... not frustration.... not annoyance. ... but sheer sadness at seeing my mum this way APOLOGISING !!!!

But the good outweighs the bad without a doubt .... We have such precious times .... I am blessed ...xx

Thank you again

Judi
There might be another way of looking at this. Your mum is still so much herself that she is genuinely sorry. In a way, it would be worse if she didn't say sorry. I used to say to my mum at times, "You always looked after me, now it's my time to look after you". Sometimes I'd say it was "Payback Time". A way of showing that I was always grateful for the love and care she showed me. She had her faults, we all do, but I never doubted once that she loved me.
[quote="bowlingbun"]There might be another way of looking at this. Your mum is still so much herself that she is genuinely sorry. In a way, it would be worse if she didn't say sorry. I used to say to my mum at times, "You always looked after me, now it's my time to look after you". Sometimes I'd say it was "Payback Time". A way of showing that I was always grateful for the love and care she showed me. She had her faults, we all do, but I never doubted once that she loved me.[/quote

That is precisely what I say to my mum too... " you looked after me .... now its my turn to look after you" plus she looked after her mum n dad ( my gran n grandad ) who lived next door... when my grandad passed away mum n dad had an extension build onto their house for my gran to live in so my mum has dedicated SOOOO much of her life to looking after other. You reap what you sew. ... that's what I say ..... :)
I am still awaiting diagnosis for Mum, but things are getting much worse.

My Mum said today "Sorry, I am just useless arent I?" I had to wait 3 hours to let those tears out. I am always saying its fine they both looked after me now its my turn, but does not seem to help much.
Not useless, just getting older, as we all do. Frailty is the price we pay for living a long time. (As opposed to my husband who died suddenly of a heart attack at 58).
Lynda_1666 wrote:I am still awaiting diagnosis for Mum, but things are getting much worse.

My Mum said today "Sorry, I am just useless arent I?" I had to wait 3 hours to let those tears out. I am always saying its fine they both looked after me now its my turn, but does not seem to help much.

No it doesn't help much at all ..... We SO worry ..... We eat...drink and sleep the worry of it all..... then we worry that our own children will have all this to bare with us and OFFFFFF GOES MORE WORRY
FLIPPING HECK . . !!!!! :?

Judi
It's strange how those words can be used in such the wrong way. Dad can be grumpy, irritable, rude, short tempered, awkward-----you get the general idea and has never apologised for anything in his life except twice as I recall. Once when he was on a stretcher being taken away by paramedics and once when he was going into surgery from A & E!
My hubby finds sorry hard to say. Today's visit was nice until it was time for me to leave. He grimaced and said about me keep leaving him. I told one of my kind lies and said I had Drs apt. ( Kind to me or him?!)
He said why didn't you say that then and responded to goodbye kiss. I took that as a sort of apology. Sad really that I was fibbing to save both of our feelings. Was heartbroken really because I am leaving him there. :(