Oh, Diane, Diane, Diane - what are we to do with you!
You've come SO FANTASTICALLY FAR since the nightmare days when you first posted here, yet you still haven't been able to make the complete journey yet.
For us - well, for me at least - it's SO SO SO Simple.
Your mother is 'wicked'. I genuinely don't think there's a nother way of describing her - you yourself call her domineering and that is the least of it. Her heaviour is not fro psychosis, or dementia, as it was there ALL YOUR LIFE. And uyour father was the same, you've said so.
BECAUSE she is 'wicked' and nothing else, whatever else is going on in her brain right now, you are simply not realising the moral truth of the situation.
You OWE HER NOTHING. SHE OWES YOU (for YEARS of slavery).
But, and this is the WONDERFUL thing now about your situation. ...Diane, she is HELPLESS.
And I meant TOTALLY HELPLESS. She's bedbound, immobile, HELPLESS.
She doesn't even have financial power over you now you've got PoA (Please tell me that's gone through!)
You do not have to do a SINGLE thing she wants you too!
So WHY are you still her slave?
Leave her to the carer - it's what you're paying her for.
Who gives a xxxx what your wicked mother wants? She doesn't give a xxxx about you, and never has. YOU CANNOT WIN HER LOVE SHE HAS NONE TO GIVE YOU.
Please, Diane, find counselling for abused children, because that is you. Emotional abuse can continue all the way into adulthood, and she has done that to you, and still does. If you cannot get the permission you need, from us/me, to IGNORE your mother for the REST OF HER MISERABLE LIFE, then plea;e please please get that permission from a trained counsellor in child abuse.
Oh, Diane, please! Please learn to free yourself from the last of the chains she's bound you with.
She does not matter. Repeat after me. She does not matter because she is wicked. She is wicked because she is cruel and selfish and always has been.
Of course it hurts and hurts to think of her as wicked - abused children DESPARATELY try and 'create' a 'real parent' ie one that loves them ,and they desperately continue to love thei abuser, because they desperately hoep that THEIR love will engender love in return. IT Won't, it can't - ther is something deeply deeply damanged in the heart and mind and soul of your mother. You cannot heal it.
You can only guard yourself. And free yourself.
PLEASE - make a rule to visit your mum in her bedroom, which is her prison, and rightly so, and say 'Good morning, I'm off for the day now', and then once again in the evening 'Good evening, I'm off to bed now' and THAT IS IT.
You are paying a carer. That's what she is there for -at huge expense to you and to the inheritance you RICHLY deserve.
Please, please, please, Diane, grab your freedom with both your hands.
xx