Not a carer really....but needed a chat

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
Hi,

first post here. I'm not a carer really, but just feeling a little lonely and just wanted a place to share.

My boyfriend is a highly functioning aspie. What seems to pull him down is depression/frustrations and I find I shelve my needs sometimes to try and manage his. I'm not his carer by any means, he owns his own home, earns more than me, and doesn't require a carer, however, I'm struggling to find a group to support those who support others.

I've been reading the forum, and I know some of you have aspie husbands,so I thought perhaps I may seek some solace.

1. How do you maintain your own happiness when he gets stuck feeling so low?
2. How do you manage to keep your faith that it isn't about you? It triggers a lot of my own emotional baggage that men always leave.

Just having a low evening I guess.
Hiya Katherine
Welcome. I would say you were a carer. A carer isn't always someone who washes and bathes someone every day or who feeds them and help them go to the loo! A carer is someone who is there for someone who has any of the, gosh, hundreds, thousands? of conditions which mean they are not a 'normal', ( what's normal?) fully functioning person with no MH, physical or age related problems. I cannot help with your partner's problems, I look after my 99 year old Mum for goodness sake, but being a carer means that you are needed by that person for whatever reason and that you help them as much as you can. Sometimes you cannot give the help they need, sometimes you cannot help any more, sometimes their needs get far too much but while you are there and giving the help you can, then you are a carer.
We're a very friendly bunch and will blast you with any advice we can offer but most of all, we listen.
Sending you a friendly hug.
Elaine
Thanks Elaine,

A really supportive message to wake up to. We've only been together less than a year, so I guess it feels weird to label myself, and yet it somehow freeing to do so. He'd HATE to know I felt this way though.

It must be achingly hard to care for an elderly parent. As an only child it's one of my biggest concerns for my long term future. I didn't use to see myself as someone who could be giving enough to care, but perhaps I'm learning I am.
Yes, you are a carer! And of course there are at least 50 shades of caring ... :o :lol:
A carer is anyone who cares, unpaid, for a friend or family member who due to illness, disability, a mental health problem or an addiction cannot cope without their support.

Anyone can become a carer; carers come from all walks of life, all cultures and can be of any age. Many feel they are doing what anyone else would in the same situation; looking after their mother, son, or best friend and just getting on with it.

Carers don’t choose to become carers: it just happens and they have to get on with it; if they did not do it, who would and what would happen to the person they care for?
https://www.carers.org/what-carer
Aw, I'm not quite as he definitely copes alone, I guess I'd like him to have less of a need to cope alone.

But regardless of not being a technical carer, I definitely have to 'care' for him in a way that goes beyond the regular scope of dating someone I guess.