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my aspie wife please help - Carers UK Forum

my aspie wife please help

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
i have been married to my wife who has Aspergers and ocd, my wifes meltdowns have become a major issue recently when ever she has a meltdown she screams so loud mostly very late at night says hurtful things to me threatens to leave me all the time. a litttle over a year ago i had a breakdown i was drinking too much (i have since quit drinking) i was using that as a way of coping with the lack of support from the mental health department and even her own mum. one night i totally lost control i was very drunk we got into a argument that night and she left and i tried to end my life with pills. i was very very depressed at the time and i dont feel good about it at all. since then my marriage has been in dia straits. i have explained to my wife that it was not her fault and that i was sorry for the way i acted that night, i quit drinking as i know drinking was becoming a issue in my life. it seems that nothing i do is good enough she refuses to except that i truely am sorry for what happened.

i love my wife more than anything but i feel like im just her carer now as there is no affection left in our relationship i am struggling with my own health issues right now and am awaiting surgery what the hell am i ment to do when the person you love just treats me like a verbal punching bag and blames everything on me without or at least it seems like no regard for how it effects me. i hate to say this but i feel alot of resentment for her right now, she does not seem to care about how much physical pain i am in daily, only her own sleep issues matter. also she lost her nan last year that she is struggling to cope with all my wife does is talk about dying asks me to kill her all the time. i am confused all the time i just dont know what to do anymore.
Daniel,
there is a lot going on in your lives and relationship right now. You are struggling with your own mental health issues and need an operation. Well done for giving up the drinking. Your wife has Aspergers, needs some care support, isn't sleeping and is grieving for her Nan. She too is struggling with her mental health.

It's hard to know where to start! Your wife needs to go to the GP to sort out her sleeping issues. Sleep deprivation makes everything seem a lot a worse, affects our ability to cope and is probably magnifying everything.

It sounds like you both need counselling. From counselling, you need to work out whether you are both better together or apart.

Useful websites are:
Mind https://www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h ... e/National autistic society https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines.aspx

Melly1
If you feel able to tell us what op you are due to help, someone may have had the same one and can offer words that can help.
Hi Daniel. It sounds to me like your wife is completely taking you for granted.
Next time she has one of her screaming abusive seesions pack a bag and tell her that you are not going to put up with her unreasonable behaviour anymore. Tell her, firmly, that you will not be treated like this and will return when she has calmed down and treats you with the respect you deserve. Then go and stay (for a rew days) with a friend or family member.
While you're away ignore any calls or texts from her.