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Family - Carers UK Forum


For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
My husband and myself have had a constant battle since my soon to be 18yo son was a toddler. Without going into too much details regarding lack of support etc we finally managed to get a diagnosis for him when he was 16 yo. Throughout this battle my husbands family (live close) have offered no support what so ever and still continue to say "leave him with me for a week I will sort him out" there's nothing wrong a good bit of discipline wont sort out. I have very calmly been able even with my own illness's to just ignore there sly comments, but today I was having a bad day so stayed in bed and my hubby went of out. He came back in a fowl mood so asked what was wrong and once again his mother my sons lovely grandmother asked why he was not out looking for work if he was not doing college,my husband once again explained that he has a mentor that comes out 3 times a week to try and build his confidence up to just to leave the house let alone go looking for work. I am just soooo frustrated at peoples inability to understand especially when they have seen first hand the struggles we have gone through. My sons main melt downs to the point of several suicide attempts since the age of 10 yo has been based around "educational establishments" he was given a home tutor from his 2nd year at senior school and did not proceed with any exams. My husband wants to copy the ASD assesment and let his mother read it but I don't think it will make a blind bit of difference.

Sorry to rant is there any way of getting through to them or are we best just going back to ignoring them? Surely not everyones family is like this? Frustrated and thought this was all behind us thankfully my son is moving on happily with his support worker but at his own pace with no pressure so as ive always said if he is happy then I am happy what more can be done. x

ps NOT looking forward to my sons 18th birthday meal with FAMILY!!!!
Hi Ann
Families can be the pits :( I have 5 children, two of them with medical issues, one mental, the other physical. My mum, brother and sister-in-law all have masses of sympathy and empathy with the one that has the physical problem (which to all intents and purposes is reasonably well controlled, so he has a good quality of life), but just cannot understand my son with psychosis. They say helpful things like "he's just going through a rough patch", "he needs more/less rules/responsibility", "these talking therapies are all a load of rubbish, aren't they?". For the life of them they just cannot see how disruptive and disabling a MH issue can be. I find it incredibly irksome and insensitive, but it really doesn't matter what I say or do, they just don't understand :shock:
So it isn't just your family. I have decided I have neither the energy, nor the patience at the moment to fight it, so I just grin and bear it :mrgreen:
I know the context is very different but remember that when my big sis was diagnosed with MS she gave out lots of MS leaflets to the family to explain what she was going through. That was a number of years ago but I wondered whether pointing family towards some websites might be useful. They often have case studies of real people that might relate to your own situation.
Thank you both for your replies I am feeling much less sensitive today :) so back to normal and ignoring. Good point regarding maybe getting some print outs etc but truthfully I think even that will just wash over them.

Keep going we are all doing amazing jobs :)

Ann_1510123 wrote: Good point regarding maybe getting some print outs etc but truthfully I think even that will just wash over them.
Maybe, but it often helps to have someone else, doing the explaining. At least then you've tried.

Listening to a guest speaker who is on the spectrum (local ASC charities organise this from time to time,) can really help as can some of the many books around these days. Some are even aimed at grandparents, as are websites, but a lot are for grandparents of newly diagnosed younger children.

I've come across the ' There's nothing a good bit of discipline can't sort out' attitude. My autistic son's employer told him he just needed 'a good kick up the backside'. A written explanation of the problem doesn't make any difference to that kind of person. When my son's employer was offered something in writing about autism, he turned it down.

Hope you survived the birthday party ok!