Struggling

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
Hi there, I am new here, I care for my 3 sons, one with Aspergers and 2 with autism, they are 27,24 and 14 my middle son also has Ohtahara syndrome and other conditions linked with this. I am finding it very hard at the moment to care for all three,there always seems to be someone awake, my husband has chroninc heart disease and T2 diabetes and his health is failing.I am exhausted and my mental health is starting to suffer.

My eldest has noise sensitivty, anything from dogs to babies can make him run from the situation, he has never really integrated, he was home schooled as he could not access school, but recently he has started mixing with others his own age, and seems to be going off the rails a bit, he keeps organising hotel rooms to meet other men in, twice this week he has done this, he booked and paid for a room for tonight for some lad he met for him to go with him. this is stressful as I think he is putting himself at great risk in wanting to do this, I am not sure if he is looking for affection, he never lets us touch him, yet seems to want to be intimate with other men.Until recently he has never shown any interest in either sex . I am his carer and he has never been out alone, just with a couple of friends he made through the internet, both have aspergers too.

I care for him in almost all aspects apart from his hygiene, and I feel that I am in over my head with this, I do not have anyone to turn to, I cannot talk to my elderly parents about it and my husband, his step father says its nothing to do with him, so I am alone, coping, caring for 3 boys/men all with such different needs, and trying to keep my son safe too,I sometimes feel like walking out and disappearing. the stress is getting too much for me, I seem to have OCD to try and help me cope, this is getting very intrusive, but at least when I am counting, or breathing or saying things in my head, it is taking the stress of caring away from me for a few minutes.

My 2 younger sons used to have a social worker but when my middle son turned 18 we lost all of that along with 4 hours respite a month( not much but it was something) my middle son has also lost all support, even medically, since he transition from child to adult services.

Sorry for the long post, I had to get it all off my chest, i am not sure what to do really, but I do know that I cant do this much longer on my own.
Hi, I came onto the Forum this morning to find some support for my own situation, and I saw your post. I am SO sorry. You are overwhelmed with other people's problems and needs, and I hear you loud and clear. I live with a person who is autistic (Aspergers), and also physically disabled, and has now had a stroke, and the effort of caring for just one person with such a bunch of serious difficulties wears me out - I don't know how you cope with 3 younger people and your unwell husband, it must be crippling. Well done for writing it all down. It's a good thing to do. Fill a book. Write some more, write lots and lots, anywhere, just get it out of yourself, and push it all out somewhere else. As an emotional release, writing works for me, and I know a lot of people who use the same technique too. And well done for having the courage to share your difficulties - there will definitely be other people who are needing to handle similar things, and if we all share our techniques, we can learn to get back some control over what's happening. Aspergers is a very difficult condition to manage, I've spent decades trying to learn about autism and to provide an environment which meets an Aspie's needs, and even I fail quite regularly, even though I try immensely hard. Right now I would say you need some way of expressing your very strong feelings... if writing isn't enough, I know of a doctor's surgery which offers sessions where you can just SCREAM... it may sound silly, but sometimes it really helps! Please keep writing, we are here to listen, and we will all try to help. Rosie x
Your workload is too great. It's time to insist that Social Services do something to help. I know it's tough, but your children need to make a life of their own away from home, because one day they will HAVE to manage without you. Then you can support them to move, while you are well, not in a crisis situation because you have died.