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Hostility with older teenager - Carers UK Forum

Hostility with older teenager

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
My older teen/young adult was diagnosed after suffering mh issues at 17.

He generally muddles along, has friends, a girlfriend and has done well at college and been accepted to uni.

We've had a couple of melt downs during lockdown but on the whole he's been brilliant about staying in, not socialising and has also managed to give up smoking.

He constantly hassles me about my easy parenting style and the fact that I don't get his brother out of bed before 12. One morning I'd had enough and said "I don't see it's a problem, stop bullying me" and walked into another room.

He followed me a few minutes later and threw a whole cup of water in my face. I was, quite frankly shocked and upset that he didn't care that I was upset. It escalated into an argument with his dad too, he exaggerates to play us off against each other. I managed to de-escalate the argument as his dad was about to throw him out of the house and eventually they had a cuddle while my son cried.

I very much feel that I need to draw a line in the sand - you cannot physically assault someone because you don't like something they have said (important because in September he will be in shared uni accommodation).

We have not spoken since, other that him occasionally bitching/being nasty about me to his brother - it's not In my nature I generally forget but I need him to learn that was NOT OK, if he doesn't learn uni could be a short lived, expensive, mistake.

Any advice, support, insights appreciated - feeling particularly depressed today
https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/

Unexceptionable behaviour what ever his disabilities.

Do you think he has issues re: uni. And isn't expressing his worries or fears. But acting out for your attention. Does he actual want to go.
No, he's excited and he's under no pressure to go.

He keeps saying he's been stuck at home longer than me but we've all been here for the whole of lockdown and I've only gone out twice to get food.

I think perhaps he's been under pressure from his girlfriend to go to stay at hers. Obviously it's not in his nature to break rules but he very much blames me for "not being allowed to...." I DO feel he shouldn't be staying at hers but he's an adult I can't force him to do anything. There is also some anxiety from both boys that if I caught Covid (son's words) "you'll definitely die" - although I'm not convinced I haven't already had it. Also him going cold turkey - giving up smoking overnight hasnt helped.

But I DO need him to realise that it may have "just" been water but it still was a physical aggression and was unacceptable. Obviously, with his issues I'm not sure how I achieve that - I thought my totally out of character managing to hold a grudge may have made him think but after 2 weeks I think he still sees it as having been my fault....i said he was bullying so he "showed" me bullying