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Carers UK Forum • Frustration and plans
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Frustration and plans

Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2022 6:10 am
by Michael_2205
Does anyone else get so frustrated when people make plans with you but then just push them back or just don't follow through. Almost everytime I make plans with my mother she either pushes them back because she's lazy or working or just asks to do them a different day because she doesn't want to get out of bed or work. Earlier this month as well, I was supposed to go job hunting with a friend but she ditched me because something came up. I try to understand things come up, I really try, but it angers and frustrates me so much. Like I rearrange my schedule to go do something potentially fun but then no one will adhere to their plans. I also was supposed to go to pride with a group of people but they wouldn't tell me if they were going until the last minute! And the one who told me she'd go ditched me at the last minute! I hate making plans with even close people at this point because no one adheres to the schedule.

Does anyone else get frustrated like this too?

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2022 8:17 pm
by thara_22071
Michael_2205 wrote:
Thu Jun 30, 2022 6:10 am
Does anyone else get so frustrated when people make plans with you but then just push them back or just don't follow through. Almost everytime I make plans with my mother she either pushes them back because she's lazy or working or just asks to do them a different day because she doesn't want to get out of bed or work. Earlier this month as well, I was supposed to go job hunting with a friend but she ditched me because something came up. I try to understand things come up, I really try, but it angers and frustrates me so much. Like I rearrange my schedule to go do something potentially fun but then no one will adhere to their plans. I also was supposed to go to pride with a group of people but they wouldn't tell me if they were going until the last minute! And the one who told me she'd go ditched me at the last minute! I hate making plans with even close people at this point because no one adheres to the schedule.

Does anyone else get frustrated like this too?
Perhaps find new friends. Go to a local library or church in order to find and make new friends. Alternatively visit a beach or take up a new hobby etc.

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2022 12:41 pm
by bowlingbun
Michael, do you ever go away and enjoy a day on your own?
Have you ever been abroad on holiday by yourself?
Singles holiday firms have all sorts of places you can go. As a widow, I like travelling but enjoy the company of others in the evening. I go to the Mistral Hotel in Maleme, Crete. All the guests are single travellers, there to have a good holiday. All sorts of options, you can go out on your own, or with others on all sorts of trips, or stay by the pools,

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 2:21 pm
by Penny
I know how you feel about people letting you down. It would have to be a medical emergency before I let anybody down. Just this week 2 friends cancelled a lunch meet up which we planned weeks ago. One cancelled 2 days before and said it was too hot and the other cancelled the day before and said she was not going because she had diarrhoea!! Then she messaged me and said “going out for lunch tomorrow.”

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 8:28 pm
by Breezey
People are fickle.
It is annoying and frustrating when you have something professional eg appointments, interviews or work and not nice when it is social but that's just how people are - they live in their own experiences and don't understand or appreciate your predicament and the effects it has on you.

Been there a few times and I shrug it off, resilience, it's not my integrity that's shot to pieces it's theirs.
You really do find out who your friends are and exactly what they're made of.

I don't make an issue of it, I let them live with their conscience over it.

I'm very independent and it's up to them how fickle they want to be, it's their life and their conscience.

I create things to look forward to that rely on me and nobody else, even small things like wearing a favourite top on x day or doing my favourite lunch, little pleasures.

Can you get a charity sitting service once a week for 2-3 hours? where someone will sit with your caree so you can go and look for jobs or whatever appointments? It doesn't resolve the issue of friends cancelling for socials. Can you point out to friends when arranging a social that you want a rule that you don't talk about caring because this is your time off?
Is there a carers social event near you? even if it is not your kind of thing, you could go a few times to see if there is anyone you click with for separate socials to meet for a coffee or something.

Unfortunately you are hoping against fickle human nature.

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2022 9:26 pm
by thara_22071
Michael_2205 wrote:
Thu Jun 30, 2022 6:10 am
Does anyone else get so frustrated when people make plans with you but then just push them back or just don't follow through. Almost everytime I make plans with my mother she either pushes them back because she's lazy or working or just asks to do them a different day because she doesn't want to get out of bed or work. Earlier this month as well, I was supposed to go job hunting with a friend but she ditched me because something came up. I try to understand things come up, I really try, but it angers and frustrates me so much. Like I rearrange my schedule to go do something potentially fun but then no one will adhere to their plans. I also was supposed to go to pride with a group of people but they wouldn't tell me if they were going until the last minute! And the one who told me she'd go ditched me at the last minute! I hate making plans with even close people at this point because no one adheres to the schedule.

Does anyone else get frustrated like this too?
Make new friends. Try it.

Re: Frustration and plans

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2022 7:20 am
by Charles_2112
The original post appears to be a copy and paste from a reddit autism group. It doesn't appear to have anything to do with caring, either, so I've locked it.