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Fretting - Carers UK Forum


For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
I mentioned this in the Roll Call thread. M is 27 and often gets himself into situations where he frets and agitates and gets himself all worked up. This happens at both work and at home. He usually settles down eventually and apologizes for getting worked up. Does anyone else ever have to deal with this problem? What do you find helps?

Hi - I'm still a bit new here so didn't see the roll call thread so I hope that what I say is useful. My son is also in his late 20s + is autistic. Like all autistic people he can get worked up about things + needs time and understanding to get back on more of an even keel. I think the right support within the right environment is important for autistic people to function well - those who don't understand, however well intentioned, can make matters worse. I've found loads of useful info on the nas website, if that's any use. Sorry if I'm being less than helpful, but I didn't see roll call.
Sometimes roll call can move along pretty quickly and posts can get "lost" within other posts.
We have a 19 y/o with aspergers, currently at college and it is a nightmare, because there is no "routine" to the college day there is a lot of agitation at home!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Gilli,
Having plenty of exercise helps S to cope with his anxiety.

Nipping worries in the bud helps too. He needs support to manage his anxiety so I have written out what others should look for in stages of severity ie getting loud/ repetitive movements / pacing /fast repetitive movements / biting hand etc and suggestions of what can help. For someone with more awareness this could be written out for the person with ASD to refer to themselves.

Also crucial for S to cope is meeting his sensory needs e.g he carries earplugs for when it's too noisy when at college and out and about, sufficient breaks and somewhere quiet and comfy to go to if he needs to self calm e.g. at college - the sofa or soft play room, at home - the relaxing room.

We reassure M as much as we can, but he doesn't get the same understanding and reassurance at work. Writing down the signs for his employer and others to look out for as they are not interested in finding out ways of helping him. When he gets agitated at work, they tell him to calm down before customers hear him.

I like the idea of going to a relaxing place to calm down, but very often he frets about not having enough time to do all the things he thinks he needs to do.

Will have a look at the NAS website.

Thanks for all the advice.

I have AS and I get like this a lot. (I am highly anxious about something now, which I have written about on another thread ). I have found that the only thing which helps me to calm down is to sort the situation/problem/issue out.
Gilli, I am sorry that at work your son's employers are not aware how to help him.Telling him to calm down before customers hear him will only make him feel more stressed.
Thanks for your reply, Christine. It was good to hear from someone who is also on the autistic spectrum. M gets on well with his employer outside of work - goes to his home once a week for tea and dvd watching and the two of them often go out to the cinema together - but the employer doesn't always say the right thing to M when there is an issue at work. M told him he had shouted because he was frustrated, but he just said he didn't care. Sometimes the employer tells him to go outside and stay there until he has calmed down, but M says it feels like he is being punished. M's employment support worker has suggested his employer go on a course to learn about dealing with people like M, but the employer said he was too busy to do that - he is short-staffed at the moment. Unfortunately he doesn't even confer with the support worker but tells her everything is great, that M is getting on really well and making friends with people, all of which, if M's stories are anything to go by, is not true. M even worries about telling me anything as he has been told that is telling tales. He also says I've not to get involved as that would be 'interfering'. The trouble is, the other workers are free to make comments as well, which to me is also interfering with something that is even less their business than mine.

M and I pray every night that he will not have a meltdown at work and that he will enjoy his work.