Hello, I’m new to this forum - my 25 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. I would like to share my experience of the struggles I am experiencing as her mother and would welcome any support out there.
She has never had a job, has no friends and also has clinical depression. She was diagnosed as having social anxiety in her teens by CAMHS – never once did the so called health professionals suggest autism. The past 2 years have been awful. I feel she has got worse. She is under the GP for her depression but all they do is dish out antidepressants - she has difficulty expressing just how bad her depression is.
I am hopeful now she has the diagnosis that she has agreed to enrol on a learning programme to get her back into education. Whether she sticks at it is another matter.
She is very isolated and spends most of her time alone in her bedroom. Me and my husband are at work in the day and I feel so guilty leaving her. She is completely dependent on me and my husband. She has no friends and we have no extended family apart from our son. We are the only 2 people she gets to talk to. She spends a lot of time sleeping and tends to sleep more in the day and up at night. She spends most of her time on the internet – I’m not quite sure what she gets up to on her computer. She used to draw a lot and do creative writing but these days her interests include unsolved crimes and just lately environmental issues. She gets extremely short tempered and it doesn’t take much to upset her. I’m not allowed to ask her how she is feeling – to her this is an obvious question and occasionally I have let it slip out only to endure hours of lecturing from her how bad her life is. We have had to learn to be extremely patient with her. If we go out anywhere she cannot be rushed and we have to allow her more time than the average person to get ready. She gets extremely agitated if I so much as cough or pick my nails. I have to refrain from doing it in front of her. She doesn’t allow anyone in her bedroom. If we want to speak to her when she is in her bedroom we have to talk through the door. I have to arrange all things like doctors/dental appointments for her. She claims disability benefit.
It breaks my heart seeing my daughter like this – so many wasted years. We went through an extremely bad patch earlier this year – her depression took a turn for the worst and she was being extremely pessimistic. During this time she had mentioned she was having suicidal thoughts. One particular night me and my husband had an argument which upset my daughter and she locked herself in her room. We got very distressed because she wouldn’t respond to us so we had to break into her room to check she was OK – she went absolutely ballistic! We couldn’t calm her down so called the emergency care services only to find they had referred the call to the Police. She was arrested and taken down to the police station. I think it is absolutely disgusting that this happened. My husband sat outside of the Police station all night waiting for her to be released. They locked her in a cell – apparently for her own protection – to do this to a mentally unstable person is beyond me. She shut herself in her room for weeks after that incident blaming us for what happened. I cannot bear to ever go through that again.
On a good day she takes the dog for a walk and we enjoy playing board games with her. She sometimes comes out with us for meals so I guess it’s not all bad. I asked her what her hopes for the future are and she says she hopes that one day she can become independent from us and live on her own. There is nothing I could wish for more – it’s like she is still a child and has never learnt the skills needed to become independent.
Thanks for reading XX
She has never had a job, has no friends and also has clinical depression. She was diagnosed as having social anxiety in her teens by CAMHS – never once did the so called health professionals suggest autism. The past 2 years have been awful. I feel she has got worse. She is under the GP for her depression but all they do is dish out antidepressants - she has difficulty expressing just how bad her depression is.
I am hopeful now she has the diagnosis that she has agreed to enrol on a learning programme to get her back into education. Whether she sticks at it is another matter.
She is very isolated and spends most of her time alone in her bedroom. Me and my husband are at work in the day and I feel so guilty leaving her. She is completely dependent on me and my husband. She has no friends and we have no extended family apart from our son. We are the only 2 people she gets to talk to. She spends a lot of time sleeping and tends to sleep more in the day and up at night. She spends most of her time on the internet – I’m not quite sure what she gets up to on her computer. She used to draw a lot and do creative writing but these days her interests include unsolved crimes and just lately environmental issues. She gets extremely short tempered and it doesn’t take much to upset her. I’m not allowed to ask her how she is feeling – to her this is an obvious question and occasionally I have let it slip out only to endure hours of lecturing from her how bad her life is. We have had to learn to be extremely patient with her. If we go out anywhere she cannot be rushed and we have to allow her more time than the average person to get ready. She gets extremely agitated if I so much as cough or pick my nails. I have to refrain from doing it in front of her. She doesn’t allow anyone in her bedroom. If we want to speak to her when she is in her bedroom we have to talk through the door. I have to arrange all things like doctors/dental appointments for her. She claims disability benefit.
It breaks my heart seeing my daughter like this – so many wasted years. We went through an extremely bad patch earlier this year – her depression took a turn for the worst and she was being extremely pessimistic. During this time she had mentioned she was having suicidal thoughts. One particular night me and my husband had an argument which upset my daughter and she locked herself in her room. We got very distressed because she wouldn’t respond to us so we had to break into her room to check she was OK – she went absolutely ballistic! We couldn’t calm her down so called the emergency care services only to find they had referred the call to the Police. She was arrested and taken down to the police station. I think it is absolutely disgusting that this happened. My husband sat outside of the Police station all night waiting for her to be released. They locked her in a cell – apparently for her own protection – to do this to a mentally unstable person is beyond me. She shut herself in her room for weeks after that incident blaming us for what happened. I cannot bear to ever go through that again.
On a good day she takes the dog for a walk and we enjoy playing board games with her. She sometimes comes out with us for meals so I guess it’s not all bad. I asked her what her hopes for the future are and she says she hopes that one day she can become independent from us and live on her own. There is nothing I could wish for more – it’s like she is still a child and has never learnt the skills needed to become independent.
Thanks for reading XX