Children's services won't take my son

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
I can't cope any more, I'm at the point of exhaustion. I called the disability team today, spoke to the manager and asked them to take my son. They said no. What can I do? I physically, emotionally and mentally can't do this any more. My son is 12 has no means of communication, no sense of danger and no common sense. He is like a baby in a big boys body. I literally can't even go for a wee without taking him with me as he poses a risk to himself and my 2 younger children. He is up all hours of the night, I've reached the end. What can I do? I need a break!!
Hi Nicola
Just to say someones here and listening. I dont know the answer but there are others in the forum who may have practical suggestions. Hopefully they'll be online over the weekend.
Has your son had any formal diagnosis? Any prior children's services involvement? Do you have any one else who can support you such as partner or family?
(((Hugs)))
MrsA
You ring Social Services Complaints Officer at the LA Headquarters, not the local office, and demand emergency respite for your son. Make it absolutely clear that you CANNOT go on any more.
When was your last Carers Assessment updated, and his Needs Assessment? It should never have got to this point. What about the school he attends, are they not helping you at all. My son has severe learning difficulties, SSD refused me respite for two years because I'd dared to make a complaint against them. After that 2 years, my health was in ruins, and my son became a boarder at his school. Then went to residential college, and into residential care. You are not to blame for not being able to cope, your son has a serious disability which needs round the clock care.
When you ring SSD, be sure to mention that your son is placing the other children in real DANGER.
If you take him to the duty drop in at Social Services and leave him then they have to take him. Just explain you cant cope anymore and thats it.Dont be calling them you have to physically take him there.
They will do all they can to get you to take him back but if you've had enough and cant go on then they have to find him an alternative, either within the family or accomodate him.
Hiya Nicole, I have a son with autism and a number of other serious problems. He's 31. Firstly, I understand you totally. Secondly, try not to panic as your child will be more difficult if you do and you can not 'fight' autism as it is 'bigger than you'. Trying to 'fight' autism will exhaust you and it's always better to use your energy in a positive way. Sit back for a moment and write out ALL your needs as a mother to manage. Go outside for a minute to do this making sure your son is okay first and you can see him. Sneak out when he's not looking if you have to. When you write your own needs down you will see a number of them can be rectified by you right now. Take a deep breath, it's not as bad as you think it is. Calmly phone the services up and request a DIRECT PAYMENT assessment to be carried out urgently for regular respite for your son and to GIVE YOU A BREAK and a CARERS ASSESSMENT. If you've had one done ask them to REASSESS IT as it's not meeting your needs as a carer or your son's needs. They should be able to sort this out pretty quickly. Don't lay it on too thick to the services, they KNOW your son is difficult just by the diagnosis of autism. What you do need to lay on is how urgent your situation is in a basic way and that you feel that you may 'burn out' if you're not supported. Good Luck & remember everyday is a new day in the life of caring for someone with autism. It can be positive if you just tweak the way you are looking at it right now...Be positive as it is less stressful for you and your child, reward your child for the slightest tiniest good you see(and you WILL see it). It works wonders and take it from me a survivor of a son with autism on the lower end and going into my 32nd year. YOU CAN ALSO SURVIVE and reap the rewards...routines with auism work wonders ;)
Nicola,
I battled with Social Services for 16 years. Between 14 and 16 years old, I had absolutely no respite whatsoever, despite the fact that my son had a mental age of about 3-4, was hyperactive, and about six feet tall. When he was 16, I had a series of infections, 14 courses of antibiotics, and finally my GP told SS that my son MUST go into care. Fortunately, his Camphill school took day or boarding pupils so he became a boarder. He came home regularly, usually ever second or third weekend, and school holidays, so he was still very much part of the family. As I wasn't exhausted, we enjoyed his visits.
It's not your fault you have a son with special needs, and sadly he has these for life, they can be managed, not cured. Once you have accepted this, it's so much easier.
Concentrate on what he needs, a structured day, and staff who understand him.
Your best move would be to investigate private special schools which really understand your son's needs. Once you've found the right place, they will probably help you get the funding you need.
bowlingbun wrote:You ring Social Services Complaints Officer at the LA Headquarters, not the local office, and demand emergency respite for your son. Make it absolutely clear that you CANNOT go on anymore.
When was your last Carers Assessment updated, and his Needs Assessment? It should never have got to this point. What about the school he attends, are they not helping you at all. My son has severe learning difficulties, SSD refused me respite for two years because I'd dared to make a complaint against them. After that 2 years, my health was in ruins, and my son became a boarder at his school. Then went to residential college, and into residential care. You are not to blame for not being able to cope, your son has a serious disability which needs round the clock care.
When you ring SSD, be sure to mention that your son is placing the other children in real DANGER.
Sorry Bowling bun I wouldn't recommend it. Reason being they have a nasty habit of sectioning under section 3 of the Mental Health Act for needing respite. Once sectioned they backtrack and make excuses to hold under section much longer (17 months in my son's case). Many never come out and go into hospital, care homes for life.My son is still on a section on the outside over 10 years later. It is a ball and chain and a massive threat lingering for needing respite, beginning 11 years ago.
Charm, that sounds a very negative experience. I've made suggestions based on my own experience.
What positive suggestions would you make based on your own experience, when doing nothing simply isn't an option because you are totally exhausted?
bowlingbun wrote:Charm, that sounds a very negative experience. I've made suggestions based on my own experience.
What positive suggestions would you make based on your own experience, when doing nothing simply isn't an option because you are totally exhausted?
What can I say Bowlingbun? I just hope that things have moved on since that experience with my son. Sadly, I still don't think cries of exhaustion are heard by the services. There is 1 way though and that's to learn to manage, through good advice and obviously 'being positive' about the future:)P.S I think your suggestion of residential School is the best regarding this thread:)