Autism in 16 year old

[Caroline_2010]

I have a 16 year old son who has this .im struggling constantly with him mainly because I’ve no idea what to say to him or do for him.
He’s been in hospital twice now with overdose,,he wants to die .he says the only thing that will help him is dying.im absolutely heart broken .
I’ve contacted calms all they say to me is give him his space ,,and keep him safe ...mean while my boy is banging his head off walls saying stuff like ...why did you even have me !
Anyone else have these issues x

[Melly1]

Hi Caroline,
welcome to the forum.

Puberty is difficult for most young people, but factor in autism as well, and that really complicates things. S really struggled during his mid/late teens. He went from being calm and passive to highly anxious and harming himself, breaking things and hurting those around him. Thankfully, this improved in his 20s.

Camhs sound like they are failing your son. Giving him space clearly isn't working.

Youngminds has advice re mental health issues in young people http://youngminds.org.uk

and the National autistic society has information re autism https://www.autism.org.uk

Some questions;
when did your son receive his diagnosis?
Is he attending school?
When did his state of mind first start to concern you?

Melly1

[sunnydisposition]

Hello Caroline

How distressing for you!

Has there been anything changes within the home environment/dynamics. Has your son struggled with Covid-19 and it's restrictions. Have you all been together for much longer periods of time. I think lots of young people really have struggled to understand the last six months.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-gu ... -audiences
https://tacanow.org/family-resources/puberty/
https://www.autistica.org.uk/what-is-au ... and-autism

The above links I would guess you know quite a bit of this information. There maybe something of use.

[bowlingbun]

Is you son going to school or college at the moment?
Giving him space is going to do what???
I know that relationships can be a problem for people with autism, but the sad reality is that one day he is going to have to manage in a world without you, and from now on he needs to be making tiny steps towards greater independence.
Councils are cash strapped, but there are schools, colleges, and residential placements for people with autism, there have to be. I had to push and push our local authority (ultimately appealing to the Secretary of State for Education) to get the education my son needs.
Can I suggest that you contact an organisation called IPSEA, they are specialist in special education provision. Wonderful support when I needed it most.

[Ingrid Carers UK]

Hello Caroline

We are getting in touch as we have seen your recent post on the Forum, and we wanted to check in to see how you are? It sounds like this has been such a difficult and upsetting time for you, so we hope that the comments and suggestions from the other members will have been of help to you at this time.

If we can ever be of help to you with information and guidance, our Helpline Team would be happy to help. They can be contacted by emailing advice@carersuk.org

With good wishes
Ingrid

[Karen_2012]

Dear Caroline

I have recently found this site and am finding it very insightful.  When I saw your post this spoke to me.  I have an 18 year old son with a recent diagnosis of ASD who has said those exact same words.  Why did I have a child?  I think this stems from their self-esteem and it is that literal as logically why would anyone want to be born into human suffering.  My boy too has been off the wall aggressive.  Smashing through door panels, glass mirrors, etc.  he has expressed to me that 'he cannot cry'.  I know he finds emotions overwhelming but living with him is exhausting and we are all constantly living on eggshells.  My son managed in mainstream education for so long.  He managed to mask his ASD and it was at home we bore the brunt of his frustrations but around 16 this all came too much for him and he left Year 12 around Easter just not being able to keep up anymore.  It was as if a switch went off. He plays a lot of guitar now but really that is the only thing and I know a lot of his anger issues must stem from boredom.  I do hope you are getting support Caroline.

[Melly1]

Hi Karen,

autism takes puberty to a whole new level.

Would your son engage in any physical activity - it really helps deal with the effects of anxiety and testosterone. Doesn't matter whether its cycling, gym, boxing or whatever.

Melly1

[Sue _1807]

Hi
I have a 19 year old Aspergers son and also a carer for my husband who’s in the late stages of dementia.
My son was desperate to leave school and start college but didnt cope well with the transition. He has suffered on and off with anxiety. Just like when he was younger getting him embroiled in the subject or craze that he was into helped distract and motivate him. I always found going on a long walk would help him open up. Patience of plenty and staying calm in adversity is easier said than done but does help!! Good luck xx