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Husband with aspergers syndrome - Carers UK Forum

Husband with aspergers syndrome

For issues specific to autism / Asperger Syndrome.
Hi I Normaly post stuff on her about help or advice for my best friend who I care for how as anxity problems and other medical conditions but I thought I ask a few about my husband.

His name Ronan he has aspergers n isn't coping well at the min. I'll give u a little insite to R life n bit about us
N a few things

:woohoo: He was diagnosed young he is 23 now he a 1991 baby lol I am 25 1990 baby.
I am only child
I have my mum n dad round corner
I am dyslexic
I have worked since age of 16 diffrent jobs
I am a animal lover n so is he we live in are house with 4 black cats n a dog n rabbit n just me n him :P
we have been togeather 5 years :silly:
Married for 3 years in May :cheer:
He was raised pagan
He has aspergers (high functioning he so very very cleaver) side note so clumsy sometimes falls over nothing and I sure he broken stuff by looking at it but I not bothered about that things can be fixed that wa I say or don't worrie as no point
He has a fear of the dishwasher
He always makes sure he smarter than me his 162 iq I 152 iq but I get to say I street wise hehe
We live in a house he grew up in as his dad said we could and mean ro didn't have to deal with a change and I don't mind it a lovly big house in very nice area very lucky
We live by beach and woods and parks very lucky
He was also raised vegan (he very much a meat eater now please no lol I think he making up for it he was 15 when he 1st had meat)
He is 1 of 5 .... 3 1/2 brothers from his mums previouse marriage and one full bother with his mum n dad
He always try's to go the extra mile but I always there to keep him level
His dad very understanding about his condition even he admits was hard raising him as he has a form of it him self
His mum well this is were I start now to ask for little advice on how to help him
His mum has M.E and fibromialger (sorry can't spell I dyslexic so please bare with me ) and has always pushed that on him.
Now it gotten very complicated he in last year has suffed realy badly from stress and anxity for his previouse job and had to leave work doctors orders as it wasn't helping him at all. I had miscarage wich then has made that increase more.
Then his mother had a rant on social media about his dad say horrible things because well his full brother was doing things he shouldn't and he left his flat that his dad owened and rented to him (nothing major just £20 a week ) and he left flat. In a state and with out notice while his dad was on holiday and refused to clear it and said horid things to his dad n his mum took his side .... But while she did that posted things on social media Ronan seen it said take this down he my dad after all why u being like this and then him his mum his dad and brother had a conversation / argument via messages and well to put it blunt his mum disowned him for sticking up for his dad and said she was ashamed of him ( and that hurt him more than any think he only Eva tryed to keep calm as any one who has or knows about aspy it very hard) he kept asking me how she could think things and how he should feel and ended up having a melt down and couldnt cope. His dad been there for him and so have I and my mum n dad trying to keep him in routine and kinda keep things level to help him n that. His eldest brother we don't speak to after he atacked me (but that a diff story) 2 nd ebro don't want nothing to do with the family. 3rd bro do t want nothing to do with him n 4th bro after that happend with his dad don't want nothing to do with him so he lost everyone bar his dad me n my mum n dad.

To make things worse Ronans mum got in touch asking him to talk to her n pushing n pushing n. Not in the right way as she started shouting coz he didn't reply. Then he finaly said he don't want nothing to do with her she caused so much stress in his life and made him have a melt down he can't do it. No more his life been easyer with out her.

She then got in contact with me saying it my fault and I said I cant make him think any think he thinks for him self and at end of day that one thing she said saying she was ashamed of him that was it and his mind was made up


But basically I am asking advice sorry about long story but I wanted u to understand the past year

I wanted to no how other people with aspy cope I no they don't Normaly change there minds about any think. I don't want him to have regrets on not talking to his mum incase she ends up realy sick she 62.

I also wanted to ask is there any advice u could give me to help him not be so stressed and anxious?

If there any advice on what we should do or how I can help because I am starting to get stumped now.

i reasontly sorted out are garadge with him so he can have that to do little bits in or big messy projects so my house don't get as messy haha to give him things to do ... Change but he seen it as good change thank god (should of seen him when I first got with him n I painted room I didn't think or no better at time we weren't togeather that long I lernt quick )

I don't get a lot I am on income support £170 every 2 weeks with carers allowence £62 week for best friend with house n council tax benefit and that all we get between us I cant afforded to take him a holiday to give him a break and relax and fun exploring. N not a lot extra after bills . Last year I got him a moterbike so he didn't have to deal with buses to help him kinda get were Eva he wanted with out thinking what if someone talks to me.


I hope u can give me a few pointers on how to help him or even just ideas on cheap fun things to do we live Liverpool/southport area uk

Thank you
Wow Heather, that was a long post!

What you did to the garage, to give your husband his own space was a great idea. Somewhere for him to retreat to and do his own thing.

Has he ever had a sensory assessment by an OT? You say he is frightened of the dish washer - is it the sound it makes that bothers him? Having a proper sensory assessment can make a real difference to quality of life and lowering stress levels.

Has he seen anyone about his anxiety? CBT is often successful with people with Aspergers as long as the therapist has an interest in ASD. Some people with ASD/ Apergers take a small dose of medication to help manage their anxiety.

As for the mum problem, I'd wait for everyone to calm down a bit before tackling that one!

Melly1
Melly1 wrote:Wow Heather, that was a long post!

What you did to the garage, to give your husband his own space was a great idea. Somewhere for him to retreat to and do his own thing.

Has he ever had a sensory assessment by an OT? You say he is frightened of the dish washer - is it the sound it makes that bothers him? Having a proper sensory assessment can make a real difference to quality of life and lowering stress levels.

Has he seen anyone about his anxiety? CBT is often successful with people with Aspergers as long as the therapist has an interest in ASD. Some people with ASD/ Apergers take a small dose of medication to help manage their anxiety.

As for the mum problem, I'd wait for everyone to calm down a bit before tackling that one!

Melly1

Thank u

I never thought to get him an assesment done I will ask for that to be done as I think he would benefit a lot he had so much go on I just want him to get back on track or lest help him thank you (my mind defo needed some help to help him)

He did go to cbt but then got messed round by the person he was seeing changeing appointments or forgeting about him and what have you and he got realy frustrated and lost faith in it but it did help him might have to talk to his gp again to see if they can sort something eles out that won't mess him about. He gets on with his gp and is the only one he will see, so understanding and very nice man and try's his best for him.

Gotta say loves his own messy room Basicaly he can make things in there and he happy best idea for him I glad I had option to do that

Thank u
I created a relaxing room for S, in the room most folk would use as a dining room. It is clutter free, has a crash mat he loves to throw himself on, a soft fluffy fleece, cushions, has a blackout blind (he finds the dark calming,) has some sensory gear in too and a tub of balls to kick over and a big gym to throw about. It really works for him (and therefore for me too.) I just wish it was soundproofed for when he goes in there to have a shout!

Melly1
I lucky garadge not attached to my house so it basicaly sound proff unless u go I. Garden thank u so much u gave me a lot of ideas think just needed someone to talk to
Somehow you both need to distance yourselves from the family squabbles. From your post it looks like they are the cause of far too much aggravation for both of you. I understand that he doesn't like change, but can't help thinking you might be better on your own, just the two of you. I personally couldn't cope with all that squabbling going on around me all the time. Your income sounds very low, it might be worth ringing or emailing the Carers UK helpline, just to check that you are receiving everything you are entitled to.