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Carers UK Forum • 26M looking for help/wisdom
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26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2021 1:12 pm
by elean_2101
I’ve been told my entire life that I have severe ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder, and my doctor has thrown all kinds of pills at me to ‘fix’ this over my lifetime but they’ve never helped. Over the last year or so I’ve started to consider whether or not my behaviors put me someplace on the spectrum. I wanted to share them and hear from this community on how relatable these traits/behaviors are for you before I engage in stronger advocacy with my doctor (or end our relationship).

-I pace miles a day, often so lost in my thoughts that I only see what’s playing in my head, not what’s in front of my eyes...I’ve run into walls and objects plenty.

-When at rest but also especially when pacing or very engaged/excited about something, I do a lot of stimming (only recently learned there was a word for this). Mine are hand flapping, jaw movement, head rocking, and holding my arms and/or sides.

-I have been filing this under ‘introversion’ but I find friendships/relationships very difficult to maintain, especially when they interrupt anything routine or predictable about my life. I have trouble communicating this honestly and leave a lot of people very upset with me as a result.

-I have been filing this under ‘ADHD?’ but my interests seem to consist of: obsessions, things I’m not at all interested in, and things I used to be obsessed with but have exhausted. There is no middle ground. -I have been filing this under ‘anxiety’ but crowded places, especially places with lots of sensory stimulation, make me want to run and hide someplace safe.

-I have been filing this under ‘I’m weird’ but I find it impossible to get through social interactions by feeling (vs. thinking). In fact, there are few, if any things that makes me emotional at all. I am always attempting to read the other person and imagine what I should say or do to respond to their cues. This would be great except, it seems that I’m not very good at it. People often seem to respond to me in ways that I don’t expect, and I always figured I just was inappropriate in some way (socially I mean). I am starting to wonder whether I am reading cues incorrectly and thus interacting poorly. This also gives me tremendous anxiety and I forego a lot of socializing to avoid this.

I could go into more detail about all of my little social behaviors but I was hoping that these broad strokes would be enough to get some feedback on.

I am not trying to self-diagnose. I am trying to determine if I’ve been misdiagnosed, but to make that determination with certainty I’d like to know what kind of professional help/consultation I should be seeking.

If you read this whole thing, thanks!

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Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2021 1:47 pm
by Melly1
Hi Elean,
Those certainly sound like autism traits. It could be that you have a dual / co-morbid condition of ADHD and autism. You will only find out for sure by having an assessment.

In the meantime, you could look at the National Autistic Society website for information on getting a diagnosis

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-gu ... sis/adults

and try out some of their strategies and see if they help you.

Melly1

Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 1:04 pm
by Connorr_2103
Did you consider visiting another doctor see if they have a different diagnosis to your situation? It would be best to have a second opinion.
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Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2021 7:02 pm
by Bob_2103123
I am no expert in this matter nor do I make myself out to be one to look to for advice, I'm simply stating my opinion. But what I believe in many cases, that these types of "symptoms" may seem to be some sort of disorder but I really feel society has trained us to see them that way when in fact they just might be strengths that we just haven't learned to master or manage in order to improve our lifestyle. Don't know if I'm making any sense but all I'm trying to say is that I think a lot of times people perceive these type of disorders as a bad thing to be treated and fixed when in reality they might actually be very beneficial if we had some sort of guidance appropriate to your experiences. My wife has worked with adults with autism, adhd, etc and other common forms of similar experiences. And she has seen a huge benefit in those who have it, and has learned to help them see how they might just perceive things a little differently, feel things a little more, move a little more than others or whatever the case may be. My advice and again it is just my opinion is to find a doctor or caregiver that is truly invested in people with similar issues, someone who is genuine about bringing out the best in you and teaching you to maybe use what you might see as negative to be positive. You might not feel you fit into the social norm that people have created and therefore forced you to conform to, but I think you are much more than that. Just my thoughts, hope it helps! -Bob windowcleaningregina.com littlediamondbaby.com

Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2021 12:07 am
by Joana_2106
Hi Elean,

I can totally relate to you. When you start to overthink again, you can share them with your loved ones. Let's admit that we can't solve this on our own but the support of family and friends is a great help. If the crowd triggers your anxiety, avoid the crowd and only join people you're comfortable with. :) Living with anxiety is kinda stressful right, but let's go on the flow and try to see the good thing in every situation.

Sincerely,
Joana

Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2021 9:13 pm
by Overwhelmed
Hello Elean,

It certainly sounds like you are autistic to me.
I did not realise I was autistic until I was in my mid fifties when I finally had a full blown autistic burnout - crying all the time and generally anxious and depressed and unable to concentrate on anything.

My whole family is autistic and I had been being the 'normal' one and keeping everything as workable as possible for them and thinking I was super good at dealing with autistic people because I had great people skills!! :lol: Actually I understood them because I was the same in many ways.

Your 'flavour' of autistic sounds just like my son. We didn't realise until he was in his early twenties. Up until then he'd had an ADD diagnosis and that helped a lot when he was a child and he had ritalin and that was useful for a while.
I don't know if you are aware but ADHD and ADD are often part of the personality or a person who is autistic.

In my family we haven't needed formal diagnoses - we realised that our lives worked better if we simply made adjustments to our lives to suit our preferences and needs. So we don't go to crowded places, we organise our homes to suit our interests and not to suit what is 'usual' and we don't push each other to do things that make us uncomfortable. So no eye contact or being made to eat stuff we don't like and loads of suff that we just take as every day to us so I can't think of it all off the top of my head. But basically if you feel like you may be autistic then whether you are or not maybe just be kind to yourself and make adjustments that make you feel more comfortable and if that means stimming, avoiding people, having plenty of quiet time or doing your special interests - then go for it and see if it helps.

I must admit back thirty years ago I was quite scared of the thought that my son might be autistic even though his behaviour was pretty solidly obviously autistic. I was ignorant and ignorance made me frightened and I was wrong to be afraid. I am happy to say that I now know being autistic is just being different from the usual - neurodivergent instead of neurotypical.
Being autistic can be very problematic but only if the autistic person is being squashed into a non-autistic life. If you can adapt things (and you sound like a resourceful person) to fit around who you are instead of trying to make yourself fit with things - then life gets much more harmonious and stuff starts to fall into place.

It is all a journey and an adventure. I hope you find an interesting path.

Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2021 8:01 am
by Robert_2108
My wife has worked with adults with autism, adhd, etc and other common forms of similar experiences. And she has seen a huge benefit in those who have it, and has learned to help them see how they might just perceive things a little differently, feel things a little more, move a little more than others or whatever the case may be. My advice and again it is just my opinion is to find a doctor or caregiver that is truly invested in people with similar issues, someone who is genuine about bringing out the best in you and teaching you to maybe use what you might see as negative to be positive. www.anchoragekitchenremodeling.com

Re: 26M looking for help/wisdom

Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2021 10:10 am
by Madison_2108
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