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Carers UK Forum • Why it is difficult for me to make friends?
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Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 5:54 am
by SandraLewis _2202
I'm not sure if its a problem with my thinking. But it's difficult for me to make friends and acquaintances. It's not that I don't want to. When I'm approaching someone I feel they may not respond and I will be embarrassed. When they do not respond openly I feel hurt and that stops me from continuing further. I'm not sure if people sense I'm needy or whatever that is. The situation is abysmal when approaching women. Is it an issue with self omegle esteem ?

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 9:30 am
by Penny
SandraLewis _2202 wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 5:54 am
I'm not sure if its a problem with my thinking. But it's difficult for me to make friends and acquaintances. It's not that I don't want to. When I'm approaching someone I feel they may not respond and I will be embarrassed. When they do not respond openly I feel hurt and that stops me from continuing further. I'm not sure if people sense I'm needy or whatever that is. The situation is abysmal when approaching women. Is it an issue with self esteem ?
Did you have girl friends at school or at work?

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 10:12 am
by bowlingbun
The best way to make friends is to join a group where there is a focus on something, sewing, knitting, crochet, learning Italian, any class really. Just concentrate on what you are doing and sharing and learning skills. Like minded people with a common interest.
Remember names and helping tidy up at the end of the meeting, making teas and coffees, etc. all gives opportunities for showing you have remembered a name, Don't expect anything instant. Others in a group may have known each other for a long time.

I know that it takes time for people to know the real me, the first time I went to Crete on holiday I was utterly exhausted, mum had just moved into a nursing home, disabled son was having problems, I'd put on weight so none of my usual holiday clothes fitted, so I just bought some cheap ones on ebay. I spent most of the first week sleeping!
Now I'm told I'm so different from the person I was then, I have made dresses that fit, and have time to have my hair done properly.
I'll never be a bright extrovert, and I seldom drink, so will never be found round the bar! I'm always quiet and reserved and thoughtful, but I'm always the one that helps first time guests settle in, introduce them to others, tell them the things that no one else remembers, like packing a jacket when they go on a boat trip.

I'm now part of a little group who love walking, exploring, not propping up a bar all day, but finding little tavernas and enjoying lunch somewhere new.

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 12:20 pm
by Pennie
Can I add a quick plug for the WI! Most groups will let you attend at least a couple of meetings (with just a small charge for refreshments) before you decide whether you want to join.

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 12:23 pm
by Pennie
Can I add a quick plug for the WI! Most groups will let you attend at least a couple of meetings (with just a small charge for refreshments) before you decide whether you want to join. If you don't know anyone, then most WIs can arrange for you to be picked up or met at the door, so you don't have to go in alone.

(Apologies - my "edit" somehow turned into another post!)

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2022 12:43 pm
by SuomyNona _2202
When we are little we make friends where we find them - you live next door? friend. Sit next to me at school? friend. Generally we have similar but limited interests. As an adult we filter out the people we don't agree with politically, socially etc. By the time we get to the few people left there's a very small pool of potential friends.

Re: Why it is difficult for me to make friends?

Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2022 4:59 am
by Hereturbies _2202
There is also the fact that you as an adult have less time and energy to invest in making new friends. Those that already have a sufficient number of friends have lots of other things to spend their limited time and energy on, such as SOs, kids, work, hobbies and so on, thus making new friends will be prioritized less. This often turns friendship making into a side effect of other things. Thus you end up socializing with workmates, school parents and so on.