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Time to myself. - Carers UK Forum

Time to myself.

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
Hi, after having advice from another forum member to ensure that I made some time for myself, I went back to my swim class yesterday afternoon. I have really only just started back since my husband' stroke, and last week I rushed home with wet hair, worrying about having left him. This week, after giving him his lunch, I got him settled on his bed for a rest, put on one of his DVDs and when I got back 2 hours later, he was fast asleep, DVD still playing. What a lovely feeling it was! I had had a nice relaxing couple of hours, enjoyed being in the pool, and had a nice gossip with other people and came home to find him perfectly safe. Now I have bought more DVDs from him from eBay and roll on next week.
That's great Irene. Getting over the anxiety of leaving your caree is no mean feat. Glad you have found a productive and social way to get a little me time back x
That's brilliant, Irene. :)

Well done you.

Brilliant to hear, Irene.
If you didn't think hubby was safe you wouldn't go anyway, would you?
'You're my wife first, carer second', was what hubby always used to say to me.
Good to read Irene. Enjoy!

I'm just off for an hours "me time". My daughter has totally done my head in since I woke up today. Hubby is at end of tether too. It is so damned draining. I just put my music in my ears and go for a brisk walk while hubby has taken DD off with him as he's driving to his next job. She'll have to sit in the van and moan away to herself while he's in there! :lol:
Any suggestions how you get time to your self when you care for a husband 24/7 with dementia and cannot be left on his own.He was offered one day a week at a day centre but wont go as he is afraid of any thing he dosnt know and dosnt want strangers to come and sit with him
Audrey, hi - you may want to post your post again in somewhere like All About Caring as you will probably get more replies there that are specific to your situation.

One of the things that is often said here is that when elderly people, especially when dementia is involved, don't want 'other people' to help look after them or keep them company, what is often suggested is a rather 'sneaky' approach.

It's suggested that have a 'stranger' come over to you, but YOU remain there as well the first couple of times, and then gradually 'pop upstairs' or 'into the kitchen' or whatever, and gradually leave for longer and longer, and then 'pop out to post a letter' (or whatever!) again, little by little. Eventualy, of course, the outside person ceases to be a 'stranger'.

Carees can be desperately 'clingy' and only want YOU - but to be brutal, they just can't do that. They may not understand, given dementia, but in the end giving you 'time out' is the price they have to pay for having you at all. We all MUST get 'time out' - we have to or we go insane and break catastrophically. Remember, with dementia, time becomes more and more 'vague' and whethe you are gone five minutes or two hours won't make much difference. And if they get distressed, well, like I say, that's the price they have to pay for the rest of the 24x7 non-stop care!

Carees seldom 'let go' of us - they never think about anyone other than themselves sadly, because they have become like toddlers again because of the dementia, and just as we can't expect a toddler to say 'Oh, Mummy, you're looking a bit exhausted, why don't you go and have a nice break from looking after me?', so we can't expect an 'elder-toddler' to think of ANYONE but themselves (sad, but horribly true for so many of them - like it is for my poor MIL with dementia now)

All best, and it really is a bit of a combination of 'cunning' (eg, turning 'strangers' into 'familiars' for them) and 'firm love' as I say above.

Kind regards, Jenny
I had similar problems with my Mum !

One way I overcame her reluctance to go was to actually attend the day centre with her for the first few weeks - initially for the whole day and then gradually staying for shorter periods ("Just got an errand to run Mum, won't be long I'll be back for you in a couple of hours"). I think it also helped that I took her and collected her rather than relying on the transport provided.

Funnily enough, although I was still 'alongside' Mum, it did feel like a break for me too as I got to chat to some of the other ladies and gentlemen and the staff.
Thanks for the replies I will try your suggestions
Brilliant idea Susie!