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The purpose of life - Carers UK Forum

The purpose of life

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
Hello everyone.

I’ve been feeling so empty these days, sometimes I wonder what is the true purpose of life. I feel like I just barely exist, not live. The burden of making a living for myself, my children and supporting my parents is so heavy on me. What am I supposed to do to get out of this state?
Hello Stephen

You have got a lot on your hands, I cannot advise about your mental state, but you need to assess what help you have got and what help you are entitled to and can get, to help ease the burden for you and give you hope for a lighter load and to have some life.

Please contact the helpline also you might find the MIND helpsite helpful as well.
Please keep checking back for replies.
You are not alone, you are here.

Carers UK information and support
Our telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

If you need somebody to talk to or a listening ear, Samaritans is also available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year on 116 123 or you can email jo@samaritans.org

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If you feel you need help in these areas, or want to ask a question that might be helpful to you with your caring, please get in touch. We’re not always able to provide the same level of specialist information and support by telephone as we can by email, so if we’re unable to help you in this way over the phone, we will tell you about other ways to get this support including guiding you towards other services and organisations that can offer support.
I'm not prying into your circumstances but if your parents have not had a needs assessment done by the social services you need to sort that out. Care is means tested according to their income, if they have over £xx in savings or income then they will have to be self funding.

If they are not having any care help, it is time to get some sorted out and help them to live more independently.
Please take heart that you are not alone in feeling as you do.
I don’t know the details of your situation, but I too have experienced feelings of not knowing which way to turn and wondering if things will ever change, more importantly, get better.
Worrying about children, even as adults, never changes, although you learn to manage that and realise that eventually they will go and lead their own lives. I have three children, two are doing ok, but one lives with us and has a number of special needs.
I find the very part time work I do a welcome distraction. However, it is the care of my very old mother in law, (95) that has really tipped me over.
Her “wants” are never ending. She has carers daily ( she doesn’t know why as she can manage!) However, when I explain that she needs them because I cannot just drop everything to make her a cup of tea, which is what she would phone me for, she gets quite annoyed.
She is very bitter about anyone who goes out or on holiday even though up until a few years back she had 2/3 holidays a year, went to clubs and generally didn’t give anyone else a thought.
I am resentful, but recognise too, that getting old is no picnic and I do try to remain civil and kind.
But!!! Balancing everyone’s needs has taken a great toll on me and I sometimes worry that I will go over the edge.
I have a tendency towards depression and can ruminate on things, and caring for my MIL exacerbates that due to always being at health appointments, talking about her health ( her constant conversation) and generally living the life of an elderly person rather than a young at heart 63 year old. My husband is better at cutting off from things than me, but is a help.
I try and stay positive and this forum did help me in relation to acknowledging the difficulties of caring without judging me. We live in an age where the elderly are somehow revered and if one dares to complain about the downside, ( usually from people who don’t have a clue about caring!) you can feel attacked.
So make the most of this forum.
Get some support via an assessment and hiring carers if possible.
Recognise you can’t be all things to all people.
Take some time out.
Do not feel guilty.
It will be hard, I’m still trying!
Best wishes and take care.
Me again:
As for the “purpose of life “ that’s a huge philosophical question!
However, I’m sure part of that purpose is to be happy and live the life you want to live.
We can all get waylaid by problems with work, children, elderly relatives etc etc.
Nonetheless, we can also ensure we take time for ourselves- so difficult when you feel bogged down and overwhelmed.
Talk to someone neutral about your feelings.
Take time to go out on your own or with friends.
Do things you like doing, even reading or listening to music.
Know that whatever might be going on, “ this too shall pass.” Things do get better, or at least seem less onerous as time passes.
Look after yourself