I'm very sorry for the late reply Sajehar. It's nothing to do with the X's!
I think it's wonderful that you feel like picking up the brushes again. That would be a terrific achievement.
Imagination must still be there, being fed day after day, always yearning to express itself at some level. All that training too. If you can bring together the time and opportunity (far from easy if you're caring) now that the inclination seems to be really home again, who knows what you can create.
Good luck with these adventures Sajehar. No pressure, but please let us know how you get along!
Best wishes, David
PS The other night, Bob painted one of his moonlit seascapes and he used a paint called 'black gesso'.