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A teenager being a carer.. Does it get easier?? - Carers UK Forum

A teenager being a carer.. Does it get easier??

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I am a teenager who looks after her permanently disabled mum.. I love her and all. but it can get blooming hard when I want to go out but worry that she may fall if I do.

My dad was my mums carer full time while he was alive and for the past year it has been my job to care for her because we cant get a carer to help us. I'm 19 and I feel like I never get a break, or am appreciated for looking after my mum all the time.. I know I sound like a spoilt brat when I say I care but I want a life as well. But I every time i get the chance I can't because I can't trust that she will be looked after if I go out for a while. Does anyone have any advice?
Have you had a carers assessment via social services?
Welcome to the forum Meghan
Meghan, you dont sound in the least bit like a spoilt brat. Everyone needs a life of their own and that includes carers, of all ages. You are right. Caring is blooming hard and people who arnt carers dont realise this.

As no1 says, have you had a carers assessment? You can also get an assessment for your needs too. Accept every offer of help with both hands Image
They wont come out to see my mum, so I kinda have been looking after her...Its hard because I don't know who to contact about certain things... I don't understand what is a carers assessment...
Social Services cannot choose not to come and see mum. They have a legal duty to do a needs assessment, it MUST be done. Social Services also have a legal duty to come and have a chat with you, talk to you about caring, how it affects your life etc. If you go to the top of the page, there is a "Help and Advice" tab which will tell you more about what should be happening. There are people here from all over the country, each area is a bit different, so if you give us a rough idea of where you live, ie the County, there might be someone near you who could say what services they receive. I think you are a very caring daughter to even think about caring at such a young age, and you richly deserve every single thing which is arranged for you.
Hi Meghan,

I feel for you and I know where your coming from, I have been a carer for my mum since I was a child (I am now 27), I would like to say it gets easier not sure it does but it becomes different I suppose, you do learn to accept it and to just say well this is how my life is so make the best of it sort of thing. Are your friends understanding?

Social services have also been totally useless for me (always) but especially these last few years since mum got worse. However Bowlingbun is right, they do have a legal duty to help you and your mum, if they won't then get in touch with your local MP or Citizens advise they may be able to help you further and make sure your mum is getting all the benefits she needs as well xx
I live in wiltshire but on the outskirts of, and my friends don't exactly talk to me these days as they are bored of me saying I can't come out drinking so they have given up and left me.. I cope pretty well its just the small things like my mums hearing is going and she can't walk, and the small things that annoy me is having to repeat myself over and over I know she can't help it. But sounds mean i wish she would be able to hear just so I don't have to shout to get myself heard. She is getting DLA and I think mobility and a premium something but I can't quite remember. Mum has had social workers who have come in and spoken to her but they last about a month and leave and we don't get another one back for like a year. The hardest part at the moment for me is when mum needs to leave the house. Our council have built and bed, bathroom extension onto the back of the house so mum can sleep downstairs...But they have buggered up the heating and have refused for about 4 years to fix it, I asked about middle of last year for them to fix the car park so I could push mum across it without her coming out the wheelchair because it is so bad, and they have said No, your neighbours (who don't get along with us because my mum is disabled) have to pay for it to get fixed.... I don't think that is right but I can't exactly question it because they have stopped helping us with getting the house more disabled friendly... I just don't know what to do...
Meghan, you could try asking your Mum's gp for a referal to the occupational therapist, they can help get things moving on the house front.
Urmm what is an Occupational therapist???
mum has to see a fall clinic and a physiotherapist But I don't know what an occupational therapist is...
The ot (occupational therapist) comes out and assesses what your Mum needs round the home, as in adaptations, gadgets, equipment etc. They look at access to your home and can give you a lot of help.