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My Dad is not eating and refusing meds - Carers UK Forum

My Dad is not eating and refusing meds

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Hi people this is my first post on here so i am sorry if i rant on a bit or if i have posted this in the wrong area.

i have looked after my dad has a full time carer for the past 3 years.

about 2 weeks ago my dad started going off his food for no reason at all he has done this in the past but its only lasted a day or two but this is much worse he started getting more confused with each passing day so i called the doctors and they said just make sure he drinks plenty of liquids and they did some blood tests which all come ok but for vitamin D so they gave him some tablets to take, he also gave him a course of antibiotics just in case he had a urine infection, and some aymes shakes not 5 minutes after taking the shake he soiled himself it was just like water so i called the doctors back to get advice they said stop the shakes and don't give him anything for 3 days just make sure he drinks plenty of water which shocked me because here is my dad the weight is dropping off him and is getting weaker by the day so i did has the doctor asked and went and picked his new shakes up 3 days after they gave him fortisip at 2 per day, they seam to be working he seamed a bit more himself and at least he was trying to eat food too, then yesterday he was ok during the day comes to about 7pm and he gets confused and this was a all new level of confusion for him so i called 111 and they went through and said a doctor needed to come out and check him which he did everything was ok blood pressure, temp, pulse heart and lungs clear and ok blood oxygen level ok .... my dad has no control over his water works so has padded adult pants on and the doctor did say that he's urine didn't smell right so gave him another course of the same antibiotics he was on 2 weeks back so i thought good at least a doctors been out now and checked him and maybe things will change until this afternoon i went to give him his meds and he refused them i tried giving him a drink he refused that too. So i called the doctors office and she said i will try getting the doctor to call you back but its late in the day and i cant promise that he will so here i am watching my dad slowly starve himself he's lost that much weight all his clothes are so baggy on him.

Can anyone please reassure me that i am doing all i can to help him ??? have i missed something??

I am sorry for my grammar and spelling.

Thank You


How old is your dad? How advanced is his dementia?
My dad did the same when he was at the end and as a nurse caring for dementia patients I see a lot of my patients doing this it's hard but I do think it is their last choice they make just make sure that he receives regular oral care and if he takes a drink let him have it make sure it's available to him
Hi Martin. My Dad chose to refuse all medication, drink and food 10 years ago, almost to the day. He'd lost every last vestige of independence and was totally reliant on others for everything. He decided enough was enough.

It's a terrible thing, as a son or daughter, to witness this. It goes against everything you want for your parent. Emotionally, it was incredible difficult to accept Dad's wishes, and to follow them. Even harder to watch him die over the three days it took his body to shut down.

I can only suggest that you let your Dad know that you understand, and take good care of yourself.
I have lost all four parents, husband and sister in law. A horrible time. Please feel proud of everything you are doing, you are a wonderful son. It might help you now to Google "Signs of Dying". I did this when mum was very ill, and wished someone had suggested this to me when the first of our four parents was ill. You will find well written articles that explain how the body slowly shuts down over a long period, why someone at the end of life doesn't want food or drink. Ask the G P to arrange FAST TRACK CONTINUING HEALTHCARE for dad, free extra support for you within 48 hours. Also think about which funeral director to use and ring them in advance. Another thing I wish someone had told me to do. When I joined the forum I was told off by someone for mentioning death, but the loss of loved ones is part of life, something we all have to go through.