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OPA... Other People's Attitude - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

OPA... Other People's Attitude

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
Perfect, Crocus!!! Though I don't know how to type it myself!

Tristesa
I used a free emoticon site, tristesa. Left click on the devil and it will take you to the site.
It might be malice, but I really think in many cases it's ignorance. Ignorance of how hard we are trying to please our carees; ignorance of just how tired and emotionally we get; ignorance of just how plain boring our lives are in comparison to other people. Ignorance about the lack of social life - my younger brother never ever invites me to his place, or out for a meal. I'd enjoy that so much. I'd just like to feel a little more supported by my brother, I know he has a business to run and a family, but then so do I. I don't want to fall out with him, I just feel let down by him.
Bowlingbun, you are a very generous soul. In some instances, ignorance probably does play a part, though reasonably intelligent people need only exercise a little imagination, by mentally putting themselves in the carer's shoes. And what about when one spells out the facts in order to dispel that ignorance, but the attitude still does not change? La, la, la, can't hear you...

In my own case, I have other reasons for knowing that neither ignorance nor feelings of guilt can account for some of the things that have been said to me.

Tristesa
Em, scuse me butting in but .... My problem is those people who tell me I must be a saint Image

Chuck me a halo please?!!?

And yes, I know they probably mean well..... But???
My problem is those people who tell me I must be a saint Image
Oh, give me undeserved praise over undeserved censure any day! Image

Tristesa
My problem is those people who tell me I must be a saint
Is this perchance then not followed up by any offer of help?
ie, you are a saint, I am not, therefore you are the one who should continue doing this.....
The one I hate is.....ahh people with Downs Syndrome are so loving...No they are not, they can be but they can also be moody, selfish and bad tempered too.

The other is 'God only sends these children to special people as he knows they will cope' sorry I don't want to be special I wanted a perfect child and I don't cope I muddle through, there isn't a manual for parenting a special needs child as they all differ so much
The one I hate is.....ahh people with Downs Syndrome are so loving...No they are not, they can be but they can also be moody, selfish and bad tempered too.

The other is 'God only sends these children to special people as he knows they will cope'
I think one can safely dismiss those who patronisingly inform one what god's intentions are! Whether one is a believer or not, human interpretations of a deity's design are just that; human interpretations. My theory on what god wants and plans is as correct, or as mistaken, as anyone else's. If god exists, only he/she/it knows for sure! We are simply attributing our personal view to a supernatural being, which, when one thinks about it, is a pretty arrogant thing to do. Image

I have not known many Down's Syndrome people, but those whom I have known slightly over the years (all adults, not children) seemed very different from each other in character. There did not seem to be much in the way of common personality traits arising from their genetic condition. They were individually themselves, like everybody else.

Tristesa
Someone mentioned "unacknowledged guilt" and that seems to fit my situation. I look after my husband - our son and daughter do not live near us but nothing unusual about that as most young people leave this area to find work. However, they hardly ever come to see us, certainly never offer to help, eg to let me have some time out while they stay with dad for a few hours. Their attitude towards me is simply awful, they can be really nasty, very critical and never encouraging, even ending telephone calls by shouting at me. We have made it clear that we do not expect them to be here (I mean living here) but that we always look forward to seeing them. J has been home from hospital for five months and neither son nor daughter has seen him/me in that time.