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Always being let Down lately-Grrrrr - Carers UK Forum

Always being let Down lately-Grrrrr

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
It is hard enough trying to get this "Me time" and keep a social life going but it seems everything I arrange , I am being let down at the last moment. "It's too wet" " "someone's come over to stay unexpectedly" "Family emergency ", "Child is ill" etc etc.
I am losing the will. I try very hard not to be too boring talking about Dad all the time but maybe I don't manage it that well and they think they will just get an earful.
I think I need new friends!!!!!!
I think we all keep waiting for this mythical 'free time' when we have cleared our desks, ticked off everything on the To Do list and then finally FINALLY we can be 'free' to do something we enjoy.....but that never seems to arrive.

And if it does, it gets sideswiped by things like 'child is ill'.

The more people you try and socialise with at one time the trickier it gets - as there are more chances that 'something' will crop up for at least one of you.

I very much doubt anyone is avoiding you because you are a 'care-bore' (equivalent of a 'baby-bore' new mum!). I expect most of your friends just go home thinking their own problems are a lot less than yours, and they can be grateful for that.

I do hope you can grab some 'fun time' at some point. Sometimes you just have to seize the moment and do 'something, anything' and go for it.....(er, yes, easier said than done, I know)
A couple of years back a few of us realised we lived relatively close to each other and, by pm, set up a small "Ladies Who Lunch" club for ourselves - we only meet up a couple of times a year now as we're all now ex-carers and have other commitments - but at the time we could meet, talk about our different situations and know that we wouldn't be considered a 'care-bore' (we did talk of other things too :D ). It gave us valuable 'me' time and the chance to socialise :D

I also joined in with ex-carers meetings hosted by our local Carers Support Group - tea and biccies, a chance to chat and regular outings - unfortunately that has since folded due to lack of funds but it was useful in that it got me back in regular social contact for a couple of years after Mum died.
Hi Henrietta
A good test of true friends is to respond to a let down with " Oh that's a shame. I was looking forward to it as I really need a break. Can we reschedule for..." and arrange another time slot there and then. True friends will agree with alacrity. Not so good ones will prevaricate.

If They all prove to be the latter (heaven forbid) then still keep that time blocked out in your diary and do something for you. Personally I like trying yoga or exercise classes where no one knows me to begin with and have no idea I am a carer. I find it quite liberating.
Am feeling guilty about above post already-just discovered one of these friends lost her good friend unexpectedly at the weekend.
Henrietta wrote:Am feeling guilty about above post already-just discovered one of these friends lost her good friend unexpectedly at the weekend.
sad as it is, you couldn't have known that so why feel guilty ?
Hi Henrietta,
What I've found is that a lot of people are really for themselves and only there for others when it suits them. If a friend repeatedly lets me down and hasnt got something really major going on in their life, then I just dont bother with them anymore. Basically those people are'nt really proper friends if they are not prepared to make time even a little for you.
If I were you then instead of making arrangements with flakes I would start to meet new people by joining new groups and classes etc. I know its hard when your caring but there must be some things that you fancy doing in your town or city.
I hope things get better for you dont be dwelling on other people letting you down either. Look towards new people.
Also think about how much you talk about your Dad, most people can only cope with a few minutes or so of other peoples issues.Try to keep things light and casual.If you feel that your really need to talk about him then I'd go for therapy because then at least you are guarenteed an hour and they will listen.