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Year of the Tomatoes - My WINS - Carers UK Forum

Year of the Tomatoes - My WINS

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life

I have just finished taking care of mum. My situation is that it’s a continuous cycle, she gets sick no-one wants to deal with it, I take it on, my life goes downhill (jobs have to go etc.), she gets better and now she's welcome at others, I start to rebuild my, get a job etc. Financially broke, and still renting, house deposit has diminished again.

Not a cycle I like nor a cycle I want to continue. However this time round instead of going loopy on my own, I discovered Carers UK, and finally understood the emotional heartache that goes with job. In the past it always been get over and get on with life. This time I wasn't able to do that, the length of unemployment has stretched, the salary I was on I can't get, the professional career I had seems to have disappeared and find myself re-evaluating my life.

So the re-evaluating has got me to a place where I want to do something for myself and at the same time create something that will help others, ideally with carers. Why, because I now can see what commitment really looks, how unrelenting caring is, and the selflessness that comes with it.

WE ARE ALL AMAZING, regardless of the value or price the world puts on us. I have a strength that can overcome so much more than what a carer is defined as in the world. It may not always seem that way but I have come to understand that my compassion is strength, my willingness to do things others won't is strength.

I’d love to know what others have gained from their experiences and would like to see where this strength could be channelled. I would like you to share your wins on this board. Some may not be tangible, some may seem entirely irrelevant to the world we live in but the truth is it is a skill that has been learnt and it is valuable, it may not seem that way but it is. It is something to shout about.
So my WINS after looking after mum
I call this cycle of my life the Year of The Tomatoes: If I can grow tomatoes I can do anything!
I can grow the most amazing tomatoes ever, I love gardening. This was my relaxation to keep me sane.
I am able to complain effectively that I can get results in situations most people would walk away from or give up. I don’t give up.
I can cook restricted diet food and make it interesting
I can to evaluate the words of doctors and make my own judgement, with no agreement from my family or doctors.
I am a brilliant researcher.
I am a quick learner, able to process information and situations quickly and find solutions.
I learnt to organise, plan and work my plan
I learnt life is not about money, it helps we all need it but it does not rule my life.
Other people opinions are just that, they do not wear my shoes and cannot make my choices, their judgements of me are just another opinion to be disregarded or not my choice.
I am can accept the choices I make and am able to balance my financial losses and my personal values. I am no longer ashamed of my life choices.
I am a better person for being a carer.
I learnt to sew, to make things for a fraction of the price in the shops.
I still want to make the world a better place.
I can write on the forums without being afraid of judgement – this might lead to a blogging career, who knows?
What did you WIN.

Is this it, I'm with you on the home grown tomatoes thing - they taste delicious! This year I grew some toms in Mum's greenhouse, as I don't have a greenhouse or much sun in my back garden, so it seemed a good idea to use her greenhouse. I made a deal with our cleaner/carer lady that I'd share the crop with her if she'd help out with watering duties and it's worked out well for both of us.

I admire you for posting so many positive things on your list. It's easy to focus on what caring takes from us, rather than the things we gain, which are not always easy to see during stressful situations. I think I've become good at being Dad's advocate and fighting his corner on the issues that matter, but I think sometimes I need to choose my battles a little more carefully, rather than waste energy on things that aren't really that important.

I've learned a lot from other carers on this forum and have made some online friends that help me through the tough times. :)
I'm surrounded by mini tomatoes and Dad won't eat them so lucky I have a tortoise.
Love your positive posts.
I have learnt that there is life beyond offices. I was imprisoned in various offices for 30 years and couldn't see a way out. Last year I spent months working 12 hour days from door to door followed by every evening at the hospital running around doing the carer bit. Something had to go and it wasn't going to be my sanity. With a life like that other people's office trivia was mind blowing and I could see how many elderly folk in hospital didn't have that one person in their lives coming in every night. Anyway change of lifestyle when Dad came home and became a carer. Just love going out in the community and helping people. Something I would never have seen myself doing before life's recent twists and turns.