Localities hidden.

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
bowlingbun wrote:I prefer not to have my location by my name, however in context, like weather forecasts, I say roughly where I live, and I share my real name and location in private messages. However, I've had my name, address, phone number and email regularly printed in magazines like Commercial Motor for the last 20 years, with only one idiot ringing me inappropriately, promptly dealt with.
But I never know if it's pronounced bow as in bend at the waist,or bow as in Robin Hood.It worries me.What does 'bowlingbun' mean? Is it a version of Shrove Tuesday? Why does everyone else get it but me? What sort of Masonic...burble,burble.
Your region or city is fine, I don't put my town or street. It is all about getting things in proportion to the potential threat, which is slight but not totally insignificant.
Sadly,some of the worst imaginable things have happened to my family.The woman I was married to for 30 years,handicapped beyond belief,was dead before her 52nd birthday,having had her chances of surviving cancer removed by the efforts required to care for two other disabled people."Her chances of surviving,low enough at best,are made catastrophic by the circumstances in which she lives".I know who to blame for that,and it's not someone on the internet checking to see if "it is/are not raining here,also" (to quote Hancock).Frankly,they know where we live.In fact,Carol had her own social worker.
I prefer to remain anonymous as I do not want any fairly personal comments I make about myself and/or caree traced back to me. Because of who I am in real life I would be easy to identify if I gave out too much information, so I talk in general terms.

There have been a couple of people on this board that I know of who have been traced and things said reported to family members, so I don't think that I am just being paranoid.
John, The comment about the 60 seats all being held by labour is very tempting to bring forth very many comments but best if we don't do politics! That's the way to lose friends. Maybe I should have said it was Stanley Matthews country?
Les Eve wrote:John, The comment about the 60 seats all being held by labour is very tempting to bring forth very many comments but best if we don't do politics! That's the way to lose friends. Maybe I should have said it was Stanley Matthews country?
True; or John Wain (the literary critic,rather than the cowboy).I tend to prefer Newcastle-under-Lyme,which is just up the road,to any of the Pottery towns.Have to admit I neglected geography,and didn't know where the place was 'till we moved here! For months I was impressed by Southampton's popularity,given the 'SFC' graffitti...
"There have been a couple of people on this board that I know of who have been traced and things said reported to family members, so I don't think that I am just being paranoid"

Good Lord, Crocus, that seems extraordinary! Not the being able to trace someone, but the reporting back to family members! Maybe, though, the person reporting back was trying to 'kick' the 'erring' family members into pulling more of their weight instead of leaving all the carer to the OP?? That would, to my mind, be just about the only justification for such a thing that I can think of off hand!

However, I'm afraid I agree with you completely - it's not just wanting to be identifiable in real life to what could be complete strangers passing across this forum as casual readers, but also that, after all, I'm probably the only person here caring for my MIL etc etc, and I would be extremely easily identifiable. I sometimes regret just how much of 'myself' I've already posted here, and not being 'anonymous' would freak me out! (Would it 'shame' me though, I wonder??? Tough question!)

We all know here that so many of us use this site as an essential emotional discharge place, which tends to mean that we don't always (ever???!!!) present 'balanced' views about our caring role, let alone about our entire lives. What folk 'see' of me when I post is not the whole story about me by any means! (And I know I consciously sometimes say here things like 'I'm not really totally mean and horrible about dependent elderly mothers in law you know - she never sees that side of me - and, in fact, it's BECAUSE I have this place to 'vent' that I can be as cossetting and caring as I am to her!)(probably out of guilt from all my venting, sigh!)

The whole issue of Internet Anonymity is fraught, however, what with trolling and so forth, but I very strongly believe that the major reason so many people post on this site is because it's a 'safe place' to let out their pain about their caring roles, and for those like me, because that 'pain' is a very toxic mix of guilt, shame, anger and resentment, confounded with compasson, pity and affection, and seeking endlessly for moral justification as to the particular balance between selflessness and selfishness - both mine and MIL's! - that is the 'right' one in the circumstances, because of that I really do need to be anonymous, or, at the very least, somewhat masked or disguised!
It's good to have a bit of friendly banter on here and I still think to just show the area or county on here is fine. Having said that I respect the comments and views of those that think otherwise but is a lot of the anxiety and worry of being identified overdone? Surely if comments you are making are genuine and true then surely no one can object to that but rather they should pick up on it and respond in a positive way. If there are a few dubious characters around then we, the users can jointly police that and then refer back to Carers UK for action to be taken. From an original observation this has taken us down an interesting path that is maybe worth carrying on.
Les, I know for sure that one of the things I find quite shocking about myself - not speaking for anyone else here - is just how conflicted I am at being thrust, quite suddenly last year, into my caring role (in brief, my hitherto incredibly independent 89 y/o MIL suddenly became incapable of living indepenently any longer, leaving me, as the only adult in this country - my late husband died several years ago, and her younger son is in the USA - to be around to look after her.)

Anonymity on this site allows me to both state (er, more likely 'vent' oh dear....) and explore that conflict in me, and to say things that I think I can hardly bear to say even to myself, because they are not what they 'ought' to be. Yes, I would, if pushed 'stand by' those things, ie that I feel a huge hostility to being thrust into this role, possibly for the next ten, even maybe fifteen years, who knows, but I think they would more likely remain a 'shameful secret' if I had to be my 'public self'. Sometimes I feel that I would welcome some kind of Carers Anonymous, like Alcoholics Anonymous, and I could go along, stand there and fess up to say 'Hi, I'm xxxx xxxx, and I hate being a carer'...... (but of course, I would need a branch of CA that only had other members who hate being a carer, which, thankfully, not everyone does!)(or else I'd feel even more ashamed of hating being a carer when others were so embracing of it.....)

So, perhaps the person I am 'hiding' from here in my anonymous presence on this site is, actually, myself (or, at least, my better self......)

You are right - this is an interesting path your original post has led us on. That sense of public 'shame' I allude to above has only really just dawned on me as I typed.
I've been wanting to explain to you all for weeks now why I dress as,and why I've asked my friends to treat me as a male.It's because I'm a bloke.

(Sorry.Couldn't resist!).