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Leaving but not leaving - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Leaving but not leaving

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
Shouldn't really comment on this thread because I care for my parents and not my spouse but I can relate to the different feeling in the loving bit - I have gone from daughter to parent over the years and the feeling of love is somewhat different- still there but different. However, I have to say Lads if my Darling Hubby loves me as much as the last two posts from Pete and I-Carer show I won't be doing to badly - good on you both they also bought a tear to my eye too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What I noticed about the last few posts is how full lives were still lived, kids were born and nurtured and even though some choices were never made, a lot of things were still possible. And from the sounds of things, despite disability, the partners mentioned seemed to support and give back.
For me at least, any sense of normal life is lost. My partner cannot talk, so intellectual interaction of any kind has gone, or any conversation at all, however small. Because my partner cannot talk, he also cannot tell me how he feels, or support me, give me any encouragement. Because my partner cannot write, communication is severely limited. My partner also does not understand many things, so cannot support me when I am suffering. He will almost never hug me unless I ask and even then it is without much expression, so just a tender touch is barely given. Because of the physical difficulties, sex is just not possible, and since we do not have children yet, then motherhood is also completely out of the question.
I have been 110 percent committed and have fought hard and long, and i would not have done anything else, but there really is very little for me in a romantic relationship. I think it must be possible to still have a major role so I can be there for him and get him all he needs forever more, especially given his very severe and complex disabilities, but also perhaps break away and have my own life. I don't want a boat, or money or a better career. None of that matters to me. I want the very basic things that makes life worth living, like talking, touching, support, sharing and children.
I am not saying I could even do it, I probably could not, but Is that really too much to ask?
We only have one life to live. Ultimately, we cannot blame others for our happiness, or otherwise. What is right for one person may be wrong for another. For your own future wellbeing, I think it's really important that you consider all the options very carefully. I feel sure that there may be an organisation better suited to talking through the options than Carers UK, but don't know what I'm afraid. Presumably your husband would not be able to remain in your joint home on his own? Perhaps looking at alternative accommodation options might help clarify a few things for you? Has anyone offered you counselling, to talk about your feelings since your OH became so disabled? It would be dreadful if you just "snapped" one day and walked out. Much better to make a proper plan if you decided to leave.
Just had to say Pete that you also brought a tear to this old cynic's eye. You may have not had much luck in other areas but you and Jill are very lucky to have found each other.
Something like half of all marriages end in divorce.
It isnt that hard to break up, actually. Very few people really buy in to this crazy one-sided romantic notion that two people fall in love in five minutes and yet they are not allowed to fall out for the next fifty years, and live happily ever after. But if you want to, who am I to stop you?
I was one of the lucky ones. Met my OH when I was just 16 - no intention of marrying until I'd been to university and was at least 25. However, I fell in love, married at 19 and was very happy until he died at the age of 58. We had great fun together, worked hard together, to make a cosy home for our little family. We were definitely two halves that made a wonderful whole together. Shipping steam engines from Australia to the UK was just one of our little adventures. So I am a hopeless romantic.