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If you had £60,000! - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

If you had £60,000!

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
I love puzzles.

If the question is would I as a 60 year old give up ten years from my life expectancy so that a 90 year old could have ten years added onto their life expectancy, my answer is I haven't a clue.

For my mother perhaps, if part of the deal was good health and happiness for her during those extra ten years. If it meant ten years of pain and no recognition of the outside world, I'm not at all sure.

For a mother-in-law? Hmmm. In all honesty I can't answer.

Thank goodness such questions aren't possible in real life. All we can do is muddle on doing the best we can and hoping that we have made a difference.
Sorry, I hadn't seen this post had been movfed to Chit Chat. I thought the mods had binned it!

Sorry, too, for the confusion in what I was on about. I was, yes, trying to make us see elder caring in a different way - a very harsh, stark way.

I wasn't really talking about the money cost of caring for the elderly (though perhaps it boils down to the same thing), but about the 'time cost'.

'Fairness' is a very important concept to many of us, and I know it is to me (I'm fairly obsessed by it - no pun intended, just a Freudian slip as I typed - probably v revealing!).

So I wanted to make us see 'caring' in different terms from the way we usually do. If most of us, as I would venture most of us would agree??, would think, hang on, why should I give ten thousand pounds a year to someone else, who'se got thirty thousand pounds more than I have already, just so they can get another ten thousand pounds themselves??!!......then that perhaps has made us think differently about caring for someone who is ninety by giving up years of our own lives so they can have more years, even though they are already ninety.

Of course, it depends on who we are having to give up our years to, as to what decision we would make.

I do wonder, though, whether even if it were my own mother at ninety, whether I'd be willing to give up years of my life to her???
I try not to think in terms of time. Yes for some things you have to plan ahead, but with caring I cope with the here and now. Hubby is only 54 yrs old, early Alzheimers dx 3 yrs ago. We could both live long lives, and having read stories from many members on here about what we still have to face, in truth it scares me.

However, one of us may get hit by a bus next week, another life changing event could take place. None of us have a crystal ball. We play with the cards dealt to us, some hands we win, some we lose. Main thing is we stay in the game.

x x
Phew Jenny. I got it in the end. Although at first I thought you was being blackmailed into giving someone 90000 an they would give you 60000 back! :ohmy:
I agree it's a horrible, and quite chilling, way of looking at elder caring (and please remember, I'm only talking about elder caring!).

Rosemary - one of the things that I say with hesitation (unlike my usual 'charging in' manner!) is that 'where there is life there is hope'. I suspect Tilly may agree with me, when I say that although things may be bleak at the moment for your husband, that may not always be the case. New treatments come on stream, and can create a change in prognosis that creates new hope.....as you say, staying in the game is the key task.

But yet, in the end, we play the hand we're dealt.

Kind regards, Jenny

PS - Tilly, I wouldn't mind having either £60k cash in hand, or even better, £90k!! :)
I agree it's a horrible, and quite chilling, way of looking at elder caring (and please remember, I'm only talking about elder caring!).

That's the problem history throws up. Once you start talking about any group as somehow not ' properly contributing' to society, it's so easy to spread that concept to other groups.
If elderly people can be written off as an 'economic drag' factor on society, when they've contributed so much to it already to it, then how much easier it becomes to write off a disabled child who may, or may not, ever contribute economically. I do believe that was the argument of Eugenicists.

Is this what we have been reduced too... economic drones, subject to Time & Motion masters/monsters?

If I had to choose between earning £7.14 per hour stacking shelves for some corporate entity selling crap at inflated prices, or spending hours persuading my mum to eat for about a quarter of that so-called wage, I know which I'd choose.
Actually, I did choose it. I became a carer.

And so what that I lost my social life? I've gained a liver back instead! And becoming her full-time carer has inadvertently stirred my creative juices the like of which I can't remember since I was 20.

The main problem as I see it, isn't that elderly people need more care - of course they do, even fit ones - but that it tends to lump on one or two peoples shoulders. That's just plain wrong. But that's an entirely different discussion.
Beautifully said Sajehar :)

Tilly
Well, I've clearly failed the initiative test Jenny set, so I'm off to sit in the corner with a dunce cap on. :blush: <walks off, taking bar of chocolate for sustenance>
Now here's someone who really needs a dunces cap... moi!

I read somewhere that dark chocolate is good for you as it contains loads of dopamine diddly wip receptor stuff, or something. Anyway, it's supposed to make you happier, and it's legal! But only the dark chocy, mind, not the milk stuff.
So I bought her some "Green & Blacks" organic, 85% coco Peruvian chocy. She spat it out, declaring she'd rather eat "dogs dos."
Back to Aldis white chocolate; at least she contentedly eats that.
The weird thing is that her taste buds have done an about turn. She's never had much of a sweet tooth before, but now it's different.
This time last year she only wanted savoury stuff. Now she'll happily wolf down a syrup sponge pudding, but turn her nose up at meat and veggies. This I do not understand?
sajehar wrote: The weird thing is that her taste buds have done an about turn. She's never had much of a sweet tooth before, but now it's different.
This time last year she only wanted savoury stuff. Now she'll happily wolf down a syrup sponge pudding...
Sounds pretty sensible to me Sajehar, but then I've always had a sweet tooth. :) I do take exception to your turn of phrase though... "wolf down" ... it's a bit wolfist, to be honest... <Shewolf licks the last of the chocolate from her paws and goes off to search for further sugar hits, resenting any implication that she is in any way greedy>