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Bit of a stressful day - Carers UK Forum

Bit of a stressful day

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We went to drop young Robert off at Rachel House for respite and they told us that we might have to come back and get him again as they have no heating and no hot water. Once we dropped him off we then drove to my father in laws where I cleared out all my mother in law's clothes for him - a bit sad as she had lots of lovely new clothes which she was very proud of but never got the chance to wear, some still with the price tags on them - still I suppose the charity shop will be grateful. Daddy desperately trying to convince us to stay over night saying that he will sleep in a chair and we can have his bed - told him we didn't want to do that and now feeling guilty but we need some time to ourselves while Rob is away.
Discovered that we had forgotten to give son the cushion that he needs to use to access the computer so drove back to the hospice on our way home to give it to him - this was when we discovered that he is there on his own!! (I don't mean no staff but only a baby and a child there and 5 empty rooms) Usually he asks for a date when other young men his age are there - I would really rather they would phone and cancel if there's only going to be babies. How can we relax if we know he is going to be lonely? They have patched up the heating so he can stay until Friday but whats the point if he is going to be stuck there on his own? He says he will stay and not to worry he will be fine as he knows we need the break but he hasn't even got access to the net (its down at the moment) to talk to his mates - I would rather bring him home. Maybe I am being paranoid but I wonder if they are organising for the older boys to have visits on their own so that they will be bored and stop going? His pal Paul was there a few weeks ago - also on his own. I wouldn't mind but they have had since August to sort this out and if they had phoned and let us know there would be no other boys we would just have cancelled the visit. (God I sound so damned ungrateful don't I?)

Eun
It's not about being ungrateful, Eun. It's just that you're putting Rob's needs first - something mums usually do. You know, as Rob does, that you need this break, but you don't want him to be unhappy so you can have it.
No, I don't think you are being ungrateful. Nor do I think you are paranoid. Is it just terrible organization or deliberate that the older ones are there on their own. Either way it could mean that they will stop using the service.

On the wider subject of respite I get the feeling that the powers that be think that as long as they can put the caree somewhere where they can be ' fed and watered' thats ok.

Over the years I have been offered respite for my husband but after investigation I couldn't put him in there, not even for a week. It would defeat the object for me as I would probably come home after the first night and get him out.

I am in no way judging anyone who takes up respite for their loved one. In fact if I had taken it up perhaps things wouldn't have been as bad for him as I thought. I only know that after many years of caring for him single handed has had a bad effect on my mental and physical health. now I do have a bit of help I can't take advantage of it.

I think you are between a rock and a hard place.
Hi i think you need to do what you think is good for your son, yes you need a break but could you do it for a couple of days instead of a week. my heart goes out to you its a tug of love, but chin up maybe tomorrow it will be sunny, big (((((((HUGS))))))))
No you don't sound ungrateful Eun, just stuck between when you need and what Rob needs. Image
Got him back yesterday and took another run up to Crail to see Father in law who was delighted to see grandson. His house has now been ramped which means Rob jr can get in now. Debating whether to iron today or chill as son and hubby are at the Kelvin Hall this morning where Rob jr is playing in a powered wheelchair football tournament, they've taken a packed lunch with them and then they are leaving Kelvin Hall to go and watch Partick Thistle play at Firhill so I'm all alone today - can't remember the last time that happened. Image

Eun
Hi Eun,

What a palaver at Rachel House.

Hope you are enjoying your day alone, though I know where you are coming from, it does feel strange. Do whatever you want to do and don`t feel guilty if you don`t do the ironing as there will be a never ending pile of it looming after the next wash!xx
Debating whether to iron today or chill as son and hubby are at the Kelvin Hall this morning where Rob jr is playing in a powered wheelchair football tournament, they've taken a packed lunch with them and then they are leaving Kelvin Hall to go and watch Partick Thistle play at Firhill so I'm all alone today - can't remember the last time that happened. Image

Eun
Chill, definately chill. Ironing can be done anytime, but a day all to yourself is to be spent all on you! enjoy Image Image
A day all to yourself is a rare opportunity, Eun. Hope you used it wisely - chilling!
don't know about you Eun, but i find it incredibly difficult when i have a day off to 'chill'. it just feels so wrong. so used to running around trying to be on top of everything and anything that comes my way.

hope you managed some time to relax though. x