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I'm off! :) - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

I'm off! :)

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
I agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with controlled debate and in such a debate everyone's opinion is vital even the ones that one personally doesn't agree with and I too think you have made some really helpful contributions and again for me personally I take everything out of life that does me some good off the table of advice and leave behind what hinders me I still recognise its good to have the choice tho' - the "live" debate on benefits taht was televised last evening I think proved my point no control over the debate and it just became a mud slinging battle - I hope you come back xxxxxxx
Hi Jennie,

I hope too that you will always feel welcome here. Nothing wrong with having strong views but if you express them, you can expect others to disagree. How you feel about your caree or indeed elderly relatives in general is not necessarily how others feel. Frankly speaking, my only concern is that fragile newbies may be frightened off and feel that they are somewhow "wrong" to care for their elderly awkward parent. I know that is not your intention but sometimes it takes a lot of courage to do that first post and admit that you are not coping.

I wish you and your MIL well with whatever you decide to do. As others have said, you will always be welcome back.

Take care,
Anne
I remember many years ago when I was a young carer looking after my mum thinking I was somehow defective because I was so angry and upset, not that I didnt love my mum because I did. But that I wanted a normal mum relationship where she looked after me and asked my how school was, mum who came to parents evenings and school plays.

Instead I was surrounded by workers who raised young cacers up to saint hood and called us angels, it made me feel even worse about myself for having those feelings of resentment.

One day a worker put her arms around me and said that she understood, she thought it too was unfair and crap that my life was impacted this way, she made it her mission to help me get a release from my caring duties and allowed me to vent and feel ok about being angry, it didnt mean I didnt love my mum and it didnt mean I was a bad person. But my situation was awful and it was ok to be angry as slong as I could move on from it.

I was 13 at the time. I left home as soon as I could at 18 and lived in a bedsit, Mum had carers in and I visited every day, we had a wonderful relationship.

When my mum passed away when I turned 21 I was glad we had been so close and glad I had removed myself from my primary carer role so we could have a good relationship.

Sometimes some people need that voice of a person who is willing to be straight and brutal, to make them realise that they have right to a life if the situation is too awful to manage. Thats why I often like your posts Jenny, they offer a different opinion.
Everyones situation is different, my role cring for my hubby is completely different that that caring for my Mum, the same rules dont apply this time.
Jenny lucas:
In my short time here, I've read posts that show how made wretched, miserable, guilt-struck and downright tormented some people are by the very ones they spend so much time and effort trying to look after and care for parents who haven't, in all their years as parents, long, long before they became old and dependent, done anything to deserve any such time and effort by their children once the parents have become old and needy. Don't such carers deserve a bit of championing, and is such championing really a 'diatribe'?

Jenny, I understand exactly where you're coming from. The way I see it, you are on somewhat of a mission to help people who have become downtrodden and ill through caring for parents who failed to care for them.

Sometimes I've found myself smiling at the strength of your words, as you sometimes charge in with all guns blazing, but I know it's done from an attitude of care and concern for carers who have often come to the end of their tethers with caring. I think you have a strong sense of justice and you rail against the unfair treatment that some elderly, selfish people inflict on their carers. I admire you for championing the downtrodden carers and think you've probably helped quite a few people to see things from a different angle and stand up for themselves. So, although some might think you should tone things down a little occasionally, I think on the whole you've done a lot more good than harm. I hope you stick around Jenny.
Oh dear, well, that didn't last long.....

Trouble is, if I go near this site at all, and I'm currently just reading my PMs that I wrote to say goodbye to various people here, then I see more heartbreaking posts from people like PitPony and Bluebell, and I can't walk away.....

I have tried, though, in Bluebell's case, NOT to go in completely guns blazing and shoot her carping, criticall, belittling, complaining, unappreciative grandmother down in flames! I've tried to be a bit more softly softly, and who knows, maybe there are genuine extenuating circumstances forthe way she's treating poor Bluebell.

Anyway, sorry folks, to be here again so soon. But I'l ltry to be more low key, at least.

Jenny
Jenny, I am glad that you are still here. A lot of your advice I agree with, it was just the "tone" that seemed to assume that anybody with a problem caree should just walk away. I think there are very, very few of us who have lovely, pleasant grateful carees - we just try and deal with it. Lots of carers just want support and reassurance that they are generally doing OK and some advice on specific problems so that they can carry on.
Welcome back, Jenny. The place just doesn't seem the same without you.

I do love the way you write.
I have tried, though, in Bluebell's case, NOT to go in completely guns blazing and shoot her carping, criticall, belittling, complaining, unappreciative grandmother down in flames!
Classic! Image I'm glad you're back. Image
Image Excellent Image
Guddo:-) You have offered words of wisdom to me when I first joined last month. You made me take a step back and see things I didn't realise till you pointed things out! Welcome back Jenny. xx
Thank you! And if I start 'shouting' again, please let me know!!!!
Image J