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How do you find your happiness - Carers UK Forum

How do you find your happiness

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
When you feel like that depression is settling in, and this is it.
How do you find that happiness?
How do you find the power to see another day?
When depression hugs you omegle and says, “this is what you deserve and this is where you belong” how do you say, “no I deserve better”
What helps you?
I have been through some terrible times with parents ill and dying, major cancer surgery, finding husband dead in bed, then three months later involved in a head on smash that nearly killed me. My son is 42, brain damaged at birth due to a useless midwife.
I REFUSE to give in to negativity.
I only have one life, that was nearly taken from me twice, so I am determined to make the best of it that I can.
Lots of things I used to love doing are either difficult or impossible now.
2 days after I left school I was on my way to Switzerland, on my own, by train, to work in the Girl Guides International House.
I often led mountain walks, and later, walked in the New Forest where I live almost every day. My knees were ruined in the car accident, I can walk again after two knee replacements, but I can't walk on rough ground any more. Lots to feel sorry for.
However, I'm grateful for the surgeon who did the operations and left me pain free, and I can still walk over 5 miles, only now it has to be on the flat, a pavement or promenade. So I can now go to Greece on holiday, Covid permitting.
I have a large garden, all the borders had to be flattened, apple trees taken out, when I couldn't look after them. Now my sons mow the lawn, and my compensation is a large patio where I have pots and a hanging basket tree. Every day there is something new happening in the garden, I can see crocus and daffodil shoots, land the bluebells under the hedge are now growing quickly.
Whatever else is happening in the world, the plants keep growing.
I also love sewing and the solace it gives me.
However, I know what makes me feel very low. Social Services who couldn't organise anything, and tiredness.
I keep battling with SSD, can't control them, but I CAN try to avoid getting over tired.
Taking short cuts like ready meals, pizza and oven chips if I'm tired, rather than a proper meal.
Housework can wait until I do have more energy, so the best thing I can do is go to my bedroom early and even if I don't sleep, sit on my bed resting and doing something like reading or surfing the internet, or doing some hand sewing.
Allowing myself to give in to tiredness made a huge difference to me.
Start by trying to analyse what is making you feel low.

Having done all this on a day to day basis, I now treat myself to time away from home and my responsibilities. Soon I'm taking my sewing machine to Sussex for a few days in a self catering barn, where I can sew as much as I want for a few days. There are some brilliant offers at the moment.
It's difficult when depression is setting in.
I have learnt to count my blessings ie my health is good for my age have family that care. All sorts of things I can think of.
I've taken to walking and although I have to force myself sometimes I always feel better and a sense of achievement.
You certainly don't deserve to feel depressed and you must keep telling yourself that.
Have you thought of having some counselling? Explaining to your G P how you feel? Maybe a starting point.
I miss my husband everyday, and fight the feeling of resentment that he had vascular dementia and other health issues. Resentment and missing him doesn't bring him back, Have chipped away at getting our home back in good order knowing he would be proud.
I find my happiness in the things that make me happy ha. So you know like in my toys, my art, my family who I love to bits.
When I was low I did find it hard to see in each day but in the end I realized I was wasting my life away so I started finding things to enjoy and I'd also write down good things that had happened that day, so like if I saw a bird or if the sun came out or if I heard a good song :) I found doing little things like that made a big difference for me.
Yeah! I agree that there's not a quick fix to eternal happiness. In that term we could see it as a mountain to climb. And at the same time, as it is with climbing, it helps a lot if we have the right tools on our journey and got the strength and stamina to achieve it. That's something we could attain. It helps if we are prepared and there are ways to make it a lot easier than if you just do it without a strategy. We could do it in ways that is a lot easier than others. And last but not least. It helps if we know that we're climbing the right mountain.
I don't like the idea of finding happiness as being like a mountain to climb, because "climbing a mountain" is hard work, a struggle, and some mountains will always be too tall. (I used to lead mountain walks long ago in Switzerland!)
Happiness isn't something that you will reach one day far in the future, but in the here and now.
However hard our caring role is, we need to find just a little window in the day which is ours, to feel something that makes us feel a bit better, every day.
I love sewing, but a whole day sewing at my machine is a luxury I only have on holiday. However, I can spend time thinking about what I'm going to make next, look at a sewing book or magazine. I can hand sew in the evening when the house is quiet.
My kitchen window faces south, I often watch the clouds, the planes going over (I'm on the flight path into Bournemouth Airport). My garden has been flattened to make it easier to look after, but I have a patio with pots and a hanging basket "tree". I love this time of year, seeing all the buds on plants, new life everywhere.

I am now only a part time carer, but at one stage had five close family members entitled to highest DLA care, and another time two of them needed lots of time when I was waiting for a knee replacement, using a walking stick, or two.
Happiness needs nurturing, it also needs us to learn how to "switch off" from all the rubbish in our lives.

For years, my only "me" time was in the bathroom. I always locked the door even when my kids were small - but made sure they were safe first. When I was having a bath, no one was allowed to bang on the door. I was "off duty", my bath time was my time.

I remember learning about Maslow's Hierarchy of Need" in college, that's mountain/triangle shape. It certainly made me think about my role as a carer.
Dogs/now dog
Henrietta I agree animals are diamonds and true friends. I would say my cats helped me from falling into clinical depression quite a few times. I have to get up to take care of them and also to eat properly and do my best to stay healthy. I also try to count my blessings as I do have relatively good health. It is hard with friends as not all understand the realities of caring and at times, I cannot easily commit to meeting or going to events.