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Help, what do I do??? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Help, what do I do???

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I have just told my son I will need his name address etc to make sure he is ok, he said he is, he is talking to him on facebook now, my son now said it might be a few months or never that he comes over, my mind working over time thinking is that what the man has told him to say so I don't get nosey and he just turns up, I have looked at my sons facebook, he only has 3 friends and one is me and the only other one from denmark has a picture, but you cant see his face properly, the picture is of a reflection in a car window or something, he is 32 yrs old , 10 years older than my son, I now have his name but no other details apart from his date of birth and he lives in Skanderborg.
That might be enough for the Police to do a check.
Have you tried searching for the man on Facebook? You have his name and will recognise his photo if there are more than one of him.

I think I would go to the police to ask for help in contacting him. He may be ASD himself, or ignorant of ASD and what he is actually suggesting.

I hope you get some help with this. It sounds like such a worry.
Thank you both I have looked at the man's facebook page, thats where I got his details from, I will ring social services on monday and see what if anything they say, I don't want to push my son too much for details, he can have a bit of a temper and will close up even mare than he already does
Hi Teresa
This is a link to the Breck Foundation, a charity set up by a mum after her son was murdered by someone he met online
http://www.breckfoundation.org/learning ... -area.html
It has much useful information on staying safe and you may decide to share it or parts of it with your son.

I'd definitely involve the police. Breck's mum was initially let down when she first reported her fears, and mention of his case should promote their interest if they initially seem unsure

I have a relation with aspergers who doesn't understand the pitfalls of the internet so I know how difficult this is for you

Xx
MrsA
Thank you, my son had no "real friends" they are all online, he has no social life at all, spends all his time in his room on his computer, I'm worried that if this man is not a threat how my son will react to me talking to police etc about this, he classes this man as a friend and he might see it as me interfering and trying to stop him having "friends"
I also suffer from depression and anxiety and this is just making it worse worrying about him, feel like it would be better if I was no longer here, so down and tearful all the time
While I can emphasize with the stress this has put you under having your son be a bit irritated at you for supposedly meddling is little issue when you just want to make sure he is safe (even with normal children they'll get the needle) and the irritability is likely part and parcel of the severity of his ASD and how it affects him in any case (coming from an aspie)

I think you have done an outstanding job at identifying this before it has got any further and while I never assume the worst of people I am not naive and am fully aware of what goes on particularly online. Contacting possibly SS or the police wouldn't be an over reaction because you are trying to safeguard a vulnerable adult against an unknown entity they have met online.

In the meanwhile try to maybe extend an olive branch and find out whatever you can about this new friend.. I mean honestly if they are exchanging post it sounds a bit much but you could pull plenty off information from the packaging as international stuff should carry a return address on it.

To your son this may represent a friend but honestly so what... online your age is whatever you say it is, I can say I am 22 but it wouldn't change the fact my hair was silver by then and these days (although not much older than this "friend") I shave my head these days because honestly I really like the clean sensation :)

I really hope you resolve this and whatever your son says you are a great mom you are doing the right thing.
Your reaction to these revelations is absolutely justified, in the same place I would be going utterly nuclear over something like this with a loved one (have no idea!)

Best wishes to you both
Rang social services and the woman on the phone told me there is nothing they can do and all I can do is advice my son that its a bad idea to go away with someone he doesn't know !!! She spoke to one of her collegues who is an ex police officer and said that person also said the police would not do anything it was just up to me to ADVICE him against going!
I said even though he's a vulnerable adult? Was told yes, nothing can be done except me advising him not to go !
What is the point of asking for help when all you get is a kick in the teeth ???
Soooooooooo upset and angry, I've never had any help, I've asked for it and never got it. I seem to be invisible to everyone whats the point of continuing?
Teresa, you at least need a second opinion. That sounds very much like hearsay (an ex-police officer). If he is a vulnerable adult you at least need a better informed explanation. For example, even if the police can't do anything, you should at least hear that from the horse's mouth. I've heard a lot of misguided things from social workers and care agencies, some of it quite painful to me but obviously not to them.