Greeting of humanoids

[Henrietta]

As a big dog walker I am always out and about. As most of you dog walkers will know it is usualy curteous to acknowledge each other with a head nod, a good morning or a nice day etc etc. Now when ever I go down to West country or up north , I never have any issues but down here in this part of the world it is a very mixed bag. Whenever I encounter a polite exchange 8 times out of ten I am the second one to reply as I'm no extrovert, however I have very limited success when I speak first! 9 times out of ten down here I get stared at like I have 3 heads or that I am an alien from outerspace invading their privacy and that I need locking up in a straight jacket. I've just walked past a dogless lady who said good afternoon to me with a hint in her voice that she thought I was ignoring her. I totally give up!!!!!!!
Never having had good eye sight I wonder if I miss the nuances in people's expressions.
What do you find?

[MumWhoCares]

I've lived in different parts of the country over the years, Henrietta, but have found the area I live in now (east Hants) by far the worst in terms of just chit chatting and passing the time of day. Some people say hello but others, as you describe, look at me as if I've just said something terrible and a lot just walk past looking at the floor. So I don't think you're missing something in a person's expression, I think it's just more usual in some areas and not in others. One lady I said hello to once ignored me and started talking to her dog about it being best not to talk to strangers

[Henrietta]

LOL Oh that has cheered me up

[Vivien]

Since I've been home full-time, I have got to see the local natives a lot. Most of them are friendly, and I've struck up good friendships, particularly as they have known Mum. However there are the oinks who look at you as though you are asking them to explain Einsteins theory of relativity! One bloke in particular just never says hello, so whenever I see him, I deliberately say hello, and wish him a pleasant day. Makes me feel good. Funny thing is though, his wife came into the gym recently and said, my husband is very shy and doesnt like to say hello. WELL DON'T GO OUT THEN!

Viv

[Scally]

100% greetings here in this part of Scotland: dog or no dog.

[jenny lucas]

I agree it's very variable across the country. When I'm with my bro and his dogs I'm far more 'friendly' to others who have dogs etc - ditto when I was with my son when a child, and encountered other parents. I think there's a sort of 'Dunkirk' spirit - as in 'w'ere all in this together'.

The programme recently on Great British Problems was very humourous, but spot on, about how difficult we Brits find in making chit chat with (eek!) 'complete strangers'. I only know my immediate neighbours to nod at, and make remarks about the weather, mowing the front lawns, putting the rubbish out, that kind of thing (I'm in the Home Counties). I expect Northern Folk find us Southerners very stand-offish.

Viv - oh dear, that sounds a bit harsh you know!!! If you'd posted that on the Mental Health section here I think you'd have struck a nerve. Shyness is bad enough on its own, let alone when it's caused by something like Asperger's etc. As a very formerly shy person myself, I'd have been mortified by being noticed by another human being, let alone addressed!!!! I know it sounds weird, but introverts really are a different species from extroverts!!!! Why not just give the chap a brief, fleeting but friendly smile, a discrete nod of the head, and leave it at that. It does sound like being addressed by you is very stressful for him. Maybe it 'shouldn't' be, but it is - he's not being 'stand-offish' - shy people are very, very insecure and self-critical. And Aspies (like my husband) simply can't cope with human-to-human interaction at all!!!!!! It would be a shame if he were put off getting any exercise because he dreaded encountering you!!!!

[ladybird]

I now live in Norfolk, in a largish village by the sea, a very "dog friendly" area. I'm not a pet owner (severe allergies) but notice most people I see do make eye contact and exchange a "good morning". I'm a Londoner, from the areas that you hear all the bad stuff about and I think there is reluctance to say anything unfortunately. Conversations are struck up at bus stops etc though, when it's common ground, usually a moan!

Jenny, that's a very "blanket" assumption about those with Aspergers (sorry, I just loathe the Aspie tag), there are many who do cope very well with social interaction, even though they might find it uncomfortable. One of my closest friends is testament to that.

[jenny lucas]

The 'Aspie' term is a tricky one - some folk (like me!) find it 'friendly' and I guess others (like you!), find it demeaning or inaccurately used maybe??

[Vivien]

Sorry everyone, didn't mean to offend.

Viv

[jenny lucas]

Viv, of course you didn't!!!

I only felt a pang of sympathy for that poor shy chap - you know, he probably would love to say hello back, but is too nervous!!! Maybe if you see his wife again you could ask him how you could encourage him 'gently' to come out of his shell a little?? You may find that repeated familiarity with you makes him less nervous hopefully!

We humans are funny folk, aren't we? I used to be SOOOOO shy and self-conscious, but I've 'toughened up' - except in some circumstnaces. I still utterly dread walking into a social set up where 'everyone else' seems to know each other, and I don't, and I feel so stupid and awkward and want to run away. I find mobile phones very helpful. I can stand somewhere and pretend to be checking texts and so on, while summoning up my nerve to say hello to someone!

That's why having dogs and small children in tow is SUCH a great ice-breaker.