Am I being unreasonable?

[PaulineSiddons]

I look after both 95 year old parents in my own home, mum has dementia, dad is in a wheelchair. All through lockdown my sister refused to help as her partner has COPD (even though we are housebound!)

Last weekend she and her boyfriend travelled down 2.5 hours to help me with some household jobs and to give me a rest. She only stayed 3 nights but charged my dad her petrol money and accepted £100 from my dad for doing the jobs. He said she put pressure on him to offer but he also has the beginnings of dementia so maybe not.

Am I justified in feeling completely disrespected by this as I care for them 24/7 and they don’t pay me! I also travel long journeys to hospitals and wouldn’t dream of charging them petrol money! I think she should not have accepted the money. Am I just being mean?

[bowlingbun]

No. It's time you reviewed your situation and dad started paying his way!

[Karen Dee]

Do your parents contribute towards the bills, shopping, home maintenance etc? They ought to while they are living with you. And yes they should be paying you an income as well for giving up your time to look after them.
My elderly mum lives nearby and she pays my son and I an allowance each week. I cook, clean and shop for her while my son does the garden and other tasks that need doing.

[susieq]

Do either of your parents claim Attendance Allowance ?

When I cared for my Mum she was claiming AA and, basically, used to give it to me towards maintaining my car (mainly used for her benefit) and for petrol.

[bowlingbun]

If in residential care the council would let them keep £25 each and the rest would go towards their care! Nursing home care where I live costs over a thousand pound for one person for one week! Doubtless when your parents die sister will want half of everything, so make sure you get fair treatment now!