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Trying to get mum into respite - Carers UK Forum

Trying to get mum into respite

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I care for my mum who lives with me. Me and my family are going on holiday at the end of July, I thought I could just get in touch with somewhere and get mum cared for in a home while I'm away, but it just doesn't work like that. I have been phoning and visiting care homes and they either don't do respite or they say, sorry but you'll have to call us to see if we have a room available about a week or two before you go on holiday!!!! How am I supposed to do that? What if I can't get her in anywhere? It's turning into a nightmare and a big worry.
Anyone got any advice please.
I know. It's we'll call you when we have a space from the best homes round here too. If a Home has an immediate room I'm suspicious.
Have you considered live in care for the time you are away? Might be best solution.
Have you contacted Social Services for a Needs Assessment for mum and a Carers Assessment for you? Sometimes homes have a number of beds reserved for SSD use only.
Hi Elaine
Don't think she'll trust a stranger coming in to stay also my husband is not keen on someone coming into our house.
Hi bowlingbun
I called Careline and I was told to call them at the end of May as they need 7 weeks notice to get things started, don't know if that's right or not, it all seems a bit last minute.
All the homes I visited were full and basically they told me they would have to wait for someone to die or go into nursing, as my mum only needs residential.
Sorry, don't know who "Careline" are. Part of Social Services in your area?
Sorry yes they are part of adult social services in Liverpool, they deal a lot with the elderly.
Linda, hi - don't discount out of hand the idea of getting a live in carer to look after your mum while you get your much needed holiday.

That is what my friend does. She's divorced, and her elderly dad with dementia lives with her. She can only get away if someone else takes over the care (her sister pulled out - said he should go in a home).

My friend contacted the local care agency, and went to see them. Now, several times, she's had one of their 'live in' carers come in, live in the house, and basically do for her dad what she does. I can give you more details if you like, but so far it's worked very well.

It isn't cheap, but it's no more expensive than going into respite (not sure whether your mum has to pay for herself or can get council care?), and it's a lot less disruptive for her dad. The care ladies have been very nice (I was 'on call' as a neighbour the first time my friend had a holiday, and I 'dropped by' to see how things were a couple of times. The care-worker was glad of the company, and she popped out for a bit while I sat with the dad, whom I know and who knows me.)

As well as the actual fees, you have to supply food and I think a bit of 'spending money' for the care worker. The time I dropped by, the careworker (she was, I think from Burma - very nice!) said it was one of the nicest places she'd worked, and how nice my friend was.

For security, my friend locked everything 'valuble' (eg passports, paperwork that kind of thing) into a bedroom. It was a bit of a faff, but after the first time she's got into a routine as to what needs to be done, and is much easier about it all.

As for getting your mum into respite care, don't forget the homes don't have to be local! You won't be there to visit!

Do hope you can get things sorted - your holiday is not a 'nice to have' - it's an 'ESSENTIAL FOR SANITY to have!'
Hi Jenny
Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately my mum is quite set in her ways. She's moaning already about where the care homes are in case she gets visitors and it's too far for them. Also she probably would qualify for the council to pay for her care as her savings are under the threshold.
I'll have to get a a needs assessment and just persist with the care homes.
Regards
Linda - hate to say this, but your mum being set in her ways is no reason for her not to put up with respite (whether it's provided at home, or in a residential home!). She can't have everything her own way! I would let her moan merrily away, and basically ignore her. You need your holiday. You really, really need it. Your mum can put up with a bit of what she doesn't want, because by and large she gets the rest of her life the way she does
want it - with you looking after her!

Glad she gets funding, but do hope you can track down a suitable place for her. I would say, personally, it really doesn't have to be close by - she can survive not having visitors for a week or two. There'll be others in the home, and if she were at a 'hotel' for example, she wouldn't have her friends visiting!

All the best, Jenny