Connecting with other carers

[Jason_15111]

Hello everyone.

I am new to the chat forum here. Apologies if I am replicating another post!

I am in Guildford, Surrey. I am 39 and care for my wife who has terminal cancer. She is reasonably independent at the moment, but will deteriorate. It would be really good to connect with other carers in this part of the country for some general social support, some regular chats and the odd hot/cold drink. It is difficult to make plans in our household because my wife's health changes rapidly and unpredictably day to day. So, I tend to feel quite isolated at times. I have a good group of friends, but it would be great to have some additional support (and people I an support). Don't want to constantly dwell on my situation, so I'm especially keen to hear from people who like to talk about things other than being a carer!

Jason.

[Elaine]

Hi Jason
I'm up North so the cup of coffee would have to be virtual and you are the same age as my daughter. She and her family flew off to Crete yesterday and so far I haven't had a text to say they got there OK. I shall mutter at her later!
What interests do you have? Any collecting, sports etc? Hope you are getting enough support to enable you to get out occasionally and I am so sorry about your wife. Hard road, which others on here have travelled with their spouses. I am a cancer survivor, so I understand to some extent.
Elaine

[jenny lucas]

Jason, hi - despite how frighteningly common cancer is, it remains very isolating. Sorry to say the obvious, but have you checked out Cancer Carers groups in your area? Mine has a hospice nearby where both patients and carers can 'drop in' (it's a day hospice, not a residential one - also does things like lymphoedema clinics and so on) for company and sometimes counselling too.

Cancer groups often stratify by tumour site (eg, breast cancer, prostate cancer) and that can isolate further - and sometimes will focus, obviously on, say, middle aged women (BC mostly) or older men (eg prostate).

There is, I know, online support usually available - the Macmillan forum/community has groups for carers of those terminally ill, as well as for the tumour site specific carers/patients. Your wife's tumour site websites may also have forum sections for carers, who can express there 'safely' want cannot be said in front of patients themselves. (There were things I could never, never say in front of my husband when he was diagnosed terminal.)

I'm so sorry to hear this nightmare has landed on you and your wife, and wish you all the 'best possible'. I won't 'preach to the suffering' (......) but never, not for a moment, give up on hope. Not of 'cure' - that's too much to ask still - but of 'keeping going'.

I do think being a man-carer can be particularly difficult. 'We women' find 'joining and talking' somewhat easier in general, but it means that for men who are carers for their wives, they may feel even more isolated from other men in their dreadful situation.

Wishing whatever 'best' (least worst....) can be had for you both. It's far, far too young for you to be going through this - my husband was in his mid-fifties when diagnosed, so we'd at least had 'carefree years' beforehand, and our son was in his teens before he lost his dad.....

With kindest wishes in the face of brute tragedy, Jenny

[Simon_1501]

Hi I'm Simon and I do not had any connection with other carers at all only just a odd chat in here I do have family to chat to most of the time that's by text.

[susieq]

Hi Jason and welcome to the forum

I've just googled "Guildford Carers Support" and got this link
http://www.carersguildford.co.uk/

might be worthwhile looking into; apart form offering support and advice to Carers in your area they also have an events calendar with regular meet-ups.

[Simon_1501]

Hi susieq Is there a national carers group please?

[susieq]

Simon there are Carers groups in all major towns and cities - just google "Carers Support" and the name of your town you should get quite a few hits.

Alternatively you could contact your local Social Services Department who will have details of groups local to you.

[Jason_15111]

Hi Jason
I'm up North so the cup of coffee would have to be virtual and you are the same age as my daughter. She and her family flew off to Crete yesterday and so far I haven't had a text to say they got there OK. I shall mutter at her later!
What interests do you have? Any collecting, sports etc? Hope you are getting enough support to enable you to get out occasionally and I am so sorry about your wife. Hard road, which others on here have travelled with their spouses. I am a cancer survivor, so I understand to some extent.
Elaine

Thanks for replying Elaine. I am a Kiwi so I am obliged to be a rugby fan. Also love music and play a lot of guitar. An interest like music is a useful way to help cope . I think people need an activity they can get distracted by or even lost in for short periods of time!

[Jason_15111]

Jason, hi - despite how frighteningly common cancer is, it remains very isolating. Sorry to say the obvious, but have you checked out Cancer Carers groups in your area? Mine has a hospice nearby where both patients and carers can 'drop in' (it's a day hospice, not a residential one - also does things like lymphoedema clinics and so on) for company and sometimes counselling too.

Cancer groups often stratify by tumour site (eg, breast cancer, prostate cancer) and that can isolate further - and sometimes will focus, obviously on, say, middle aged women (BC mostly) or older men (eg prostate).

There is, I know, online support usually available - the Macmillan forum/community has groups for carers of those terminally ill, as well as for the tumour site specific carers/patients. Your wife's tumour site websites may also have forum sections for carers, who can express there 'safely' want cannot be said in front of patients themselves. (There were things I could never, never say in front of my husband when he was diagnosed terminal.)

I'm so sorry to hear this nightmare has landed on you and your wife, and wish you all the 'best possible'. I won't 'preach to the suffering' (......) but never, not for a moment, give up on hope. Not of 'cure' - that's too much to ask still - but of 'keeping going'.

I do think being a man-carer can be particularly difficult. 'We women' find 'joining and talking' somewhat easier in general, but it means that for men who are carers for their wives, they may feel even more isolated from other men in their dreadful situation.

Wishing whatever 'best' (least worst....) can be had for you both. It's far, far too young for you to be going through this - my husband was in his mid-fifties when diagnosed, so we'd at least had 'carefree years' beforehand, and our son was in his teens before he lost his dad.....

With kindest wishes in the face of brute tragedy, Jenny

Thanks Jenny. Yes, am looking at what's available in my area now. Thanks for your reply and kind words!

[Jason_15111]

Hi Jason and welcome to the forum

I've just googled "Guildford Carers Support" and got this link
http://www.carersguildford.co.uk/

might be worthwhile looking into; apart form offering support and advice to Carers in your area they also have an events calendar with regular meet-ups.

Thanks for the reply and suggestion!