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Being abused by the family member we care for! - Carers UK Forum

Being abused by the family member we care for!

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life

My wife and I have been looking after her mum for 2 years who has the later stages of Parkinson’s with a question mark over her memory.

She seems focussed on doing everything she can to argue with my wife by doing anything she can. The name calling and spite is just a living hell.

She liars and twists things all the time to make other people think we are horrible. When anybody else is near she is all smiles and politeness, then flips straight back as soon as they’ve gone.

Who can I go to for support? My children have to listen to this and endure it and it affecting them too.

We live in her house and saving to move back out, but this will take around 8 months.

Please somebody help.


Hello Thomas, welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds very upsetting for your family. I'm sure there are people on this forum with personal experience of what you're going through who will be along to offer support and advice.

It's important that you don't feel alone in this and that you take care of your own health as well. We're running a series of informal online meet ups for carers to get together and just chat and share experiences and offer support. You only have to share as much as you're comfortable with. Do join us if you'd like to, sign up is here:

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups

Best wishes

Hi Thomas, don't be afraid to go to Social Services for help.
As a relative under 18 is living in the house, then it's value would probably be disregarded for assessment purposes, so stay put, and get her the help she needs.
Your children have the right to a happy childhood.
Sometimes people put on an act when they think they are being assessed, so get your phone out and record every time she gives you verbal abuse, and keep a diary. It is unacceptable, and counts as domestic abuse, no opts out for illness!
Talk to the CUK about the rules regarding when someone's house value is disregarded, or Google "Paying for care" or look it up on the dot gov site.
How old are the children. Your mother in law and you and your wife.

Has there ever been a needs assessment and a carers assessment. If mother in law refuses needs assessment. You and the family can have a needs assessment.

What type of accommodation are you looking for will it be rented or purchased.

Why I ask as O/T and social services reports can be very useful.

https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/informati ... parkinsons