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A terrible situation really - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

A terrible situation really

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
I think he is probably going to come under the deprivation of liberty (DoLS) act
See here http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scrip ... entID=1327

I feel I must mention that they do not do this lightly.
Thanks so much. This is all extremely valuable information.
My brothers and I will discuss and decide who will inform the social services.
I don't think that would apply to someone living in their own home:
The Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards (DoLS) are part of the Mental Capacity Act 2005. They aim to make sure that people in care homes and hospitals are looked after in a way that does not inappropriately restrict their freedom. The safeguards should ensure that a care home or hospital only deprives someone of their liberty in a safe and correct way, and that this is only done when it is in the best interests of the person and there is no other way to look after them.
Someone needs to call social services or the gp
That's right, and a decision will need to be taken by the family who is to act as the nearest relative. It would be good to choose someone who can negotiate with professionals at their level - they will respect professionalism and a firm, calm, and consistent approach. Also don't forget the 14 day rule, this is critical.
I hope things can be sorted out
Scally, I was thinking about what happens if he is taken into care against his wishes - if you scroll down the link I gave you will see some examples. None are identical to this situation, but you can see what I was thinking about.
It's not a pleasant prospect, but if he isn't willing to receive help he needs to know that he might be admitted to hospital against his will. Its a bit drastic, and only used in extremis. That's the point when most people see sense and accept that they need help.
Ah, we have a problem here though. None of us want anything to do with him directly. So we figure the best thing is to alert the authorities and they will do whatever the system dictates. Truly my mother and us children do not ever want to involve him in our lives again and we will not visit him either. It was only a one-off that my brother decided to go and see what the situation was. Our father has always been verbally abusive to everyone, it is just that now he is elderly and infirm, finally he cannot even remember who we are. But we cannot forget how he treated us, his family.
Mandie: I don't hate him any longer actually, I just feel pity for him. Yet I am a responsible person and do not want another human being to be suffering like this.
Hi Mandie,

I know something of what you're feeling right now, as my father is an alcoholic, has dementia and was never an affectionate man towards the family (though he was never physically violent towards any of us). In a situation like this you can't help feeling that the person has brought many of their problems upon themselves, as it is known that alcohol can cause/contribute towards dementia. However, when the awful combination of alcoholism and dementia takes effect on a person it is pitiful to watch and you can't help but feel concern for a frail elderly parent, no matter how badly they've behaved in the past.

You've been offered some great advice about contacting social services etc, so I will just try to offer some support on the emotional side of things. Firstly, no matter what anybody else may say or think, or how social services may try to cajole your family into taking some active part to help your father, YOUR OWE YOUR FATHER NOTHING. Stand firm, be resolute and point out that whilst the local authority has a legal duty of care towards your father, you have no such legal burden on you and nor are you morally bound to provide care for a person who treated you all so badly in the past. It's a horrid situation, absolutely vile, but it sounds as though all your father's chickens have come home to roost, which seems to be nobody's fault but his own. So, DO NOT GET DRAWN IN by social services.

I would try to minimise the fire risks, for the sake of the neighbours as much as anything, but not get directly involved in any other aspects of this situation. Is the house detached? If not, it might be wise to inform the owners/tenants of any adjoining property, so that they can make sure they have plenty of smoke detectors/fire alarms in place, just in case the worse happens, because it would be awful if other people got hurt. Also, if possible, it might be wise to have the cooker removed, certainly if it's gas, and you could consider installing fire/smoke detectors/alarms in your fathers house. You don't owe your father anything, but I'm sure you'd not want any harm to come to innocent bystanders/neighbours.

Good luck.
[quote]Ah, we have a problem here though. None of us want anything to do with him directly. So we figure the best thing is to alert the authorities and they will do whatever the system dictates. quote]

Sounds like a good plan. Quite frankly, I would keep a written record of any communications just in case there is any comeback, and stick firmly to that line. You are under no legal, societal, or moral duty whatsoever, and in fact you are to be commended as a good humanitarian for going as far as you have.

You may have some problems when the time comes with legal, nursing home and funeral expenses, wills and so on: even simple estates can be messy without a will: it might be a good idea to get legal advice at some point to avoid accepting any financial liability.