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A Tax rose is but a rose by any other name - Page 29 - Carers UK Forum

A Tax rose is but a rose by any other name

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
687 posts
I haven’t written about this before because I didn’t want to somehow jinx The Kid. But his big day is now over, it’s all in the lap of the Gods.

Basically SM has been adopted by a Billy the kid. Shortly after SM joined the food bank, some scrawny scally, who loathed SM, attacked him while he was loading his car with food parcels. The kid head butted SM in the arse, Billy goat style, challenging SM to a fight. SM insists it was the small of the back (well, he would, wouldn’t he.)

The Kid didn’t stand a chance but, in that inexplicable way of teenagers, went from loathing SM to hero worshiping him in the bat of an eyelid. He took to following SM around like a puppy dog, wanting to be SM’s assistant. SM pointedly ignored him. But The Kid’s persistence was, well, persistent.
For instance, The Kid would ask if SM wanted a cup of tea. SM would say “No, thank you,” but The Kid got him one anyway, cheerily declaring, “I asked around how you like it – Strong and white how you like women with two sugars – can I be your assistant?”

SM was secretly impressed – annoyed but impressed – by The Kid’s dogged determination.

SM: I’ll strike a deal with you. You owe me something. IF you can work out what it is, and why you owe it to me, and then give it to me THEN I’ll consider – but only consider mind – making you my assistant… on a trial basis.

The poor kid was utterly perplexed, and after a couple of hours of him scratching his head trying to work out SM’s cryptic words another worker took pity on The Kid and let The Kid know that he owed SM an apology. He even had to explain what an apology was, apparently.

The Kid: I know, I know, I know… I owe you an apology.

SM: Correct, but why do you owe me an apology?

The Kid: Because I head butted you?

SM: Yes, but why do you owe me an apology for head butting me?

The Kid: Because, because, because…. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m really, really sorry.

SM: Apology accepted.

The Kid: Does that mean I’m your assistant?

SM: On a trial basis only. Here are the rules: Whatever I say goes; no lip or funny business.

The Kid: Yes.

SM: You are always punctual. An assistant I can’t rely on is useless. If you turn up late without good reason, you are out on your ear. Get it?

The Kid: Yes.

SM: Politeness costs nothing… drop the shrug; it does nothing for your posture.

The Kid: Ehh?

SM: Fine… I’d like one of your excellent cups of tea, thank you.

SM taught him how to pack boxes, follow routes and do lots of loads and daft little things that lightened SM’s load.
I’m not knocking that. But what SM really discovered, quite by accident, is that The Kid is a mathematician of quite exceptional ability.

And that’s why today is so important. The Kid sat his maths exams. He’s missed out on so much schooling (bullying according to SM) could he catch up?

SM, the Welfare Rights officer, and his Case Worker have been fighting his case…. They got him his home tuition… Yehh!

I hope it got the exam results they wanted.
The more I read about SM, the more I like him. The kid probably never had the opportunity of having a good hero/rolemodel when he grew up. I hope the kid does well, but then that might mean SM would lose his assistant? I do hope not. It's really great to see other flourish with a bit of encouragement.
Oh wow Saj, what a great story and SM is a bloke in a million. Hope the Kid 'does good'.
The Kid really helped SM, often in a small way. For instance, SM taught him how to use his car keys. This meant SM could load up his car much more quickly with food boxes as he didn’t have to stop each time and do it himself. The Kid would run ahead of him, unlock the car, open the boot, SM would position the box, and The Kid would then re-lock while SM would go back in for the next parcel. The Kid helped him to half the amount of time SM spent loading his car as noways was he leaving his car boot open in that area!

But SM only discovered The Kid’s true abilities just before Christmas. He was doing the accounts and handed The Kid a list of figures to read out to him so’s he could input them more quickly. The Kid scanned it, and said that the total was XXX.
SM was intrigued and noted this total. After doing his own total, with a calculator, The Kid was correct. SM did this several more times. Each time The Kid got the figures spot on.

SM: I couldn’t believe it; The Kid’s a human calculator.

To test that this wasn’t just some idiot savant ability SM explained the principles behind double column book-keeping. The Kid grasped the concept immediately.
SM then showed him how to do long division and multiplication. The Kid also grasped this immediately, and after looking at the formula for a few minutes started to explain to SM how the formula works.

This staggered SM. The Kid wasn’t content to just know the formula; he wanted to know why and how it worked; and worked it out for himself.

To put this in perspective, we learn how to do this kind of formula by rote learning. It works, end of. That’s where most people leave it, but not The Kid.

SM: The Kid’s a born mathematician, how was this not recognised earlier?

The Kid sat his maths exam yesterday. SM, and others, are hoping he passed so’s he can go to college, and do the maths/science stuff he actually wants to do.

But SM always has a plan B. And that plan is he’s got a mate of his to set up an apprenticeship in, of all places, a tax consultancy firm.

Me: You what!

SM: Just in case he fails the exams…..

Me: But nobody knows that till August.

Wow are you sure SM is a tory ?,he seems a very fair and kind bloke.
SM: How’s the eyeball?

Me: Getting better; these eye drops seem to be working.

I’ve had something wrong with my left eye for a while. But when half of it turned bright red, hurt like hell and it was then stuck together with this white gluey stuff, I thought maybe I should go and see the doc.

The Doc: Conjunctivitis. Here’s a prescription. 1 drop 4 times a day; and put them in the other eye too as a preventive measure.

So that’s what I’ve been doing; these eye drops are brill (chloramphenicol… who comes up with these names?) My eye ball is almost back to normal and that awful itchiness has stopped. Still winking like mad though. I even told the Sainsbury’s check out lady that I wasn’t flirting with her, I just had conjunctivitis.

SM: You never winked at me.

Me: I never had conjunctivitis before!

SM’s plans for The Kid are going apace.

Me: What’s wrong with him wearing his school uniform?

SM: Have you seen it? It should be incinerated.

SM has arranged an ‘interview’ for The Kid. Except it’s not really an ‘interview’ as The Kid’s going to get in regardless, but The Kid doesn’t know that.
SM is taking The Kid to get ‘Suited & booted’ on Monday, after they’ve done the outreach stuff.

SM: It will either be a complete success or total disaster.

Me: What do you reckon?

SM: I’ve no idea….
Hmm. This could be a good idea. Just don't take the kid to a casino or online poker game, because with those kind of skills he might make a lot more money playing poker than in an honest job doing double-entry book-keeping.
My thoughts exactly, Scally.

But I still hope The Kid done well in his exams.
SM is teaching me how to do unarmed body contact… or something.

SM: Use their body weight against them.

Me: There’s only one place I’m aiming for sunshine!

SM: Fine! But use their body weight against them. Here’s how…

Blow me. I ducked down, did something with my arms, and somehow chucked him over my shoulder; this stuff really works!!!
687 posts