A Tax rose is but a rose by any other name

[Sajehar]

Emma 157 whatever,

SM has answered that question without even knowing the question.

He texted me today to watch some film at 4.20pm Channel 4. Apparently, I remind him of the girl in it. So, whoever she is, is me!

I watched the film…. Bloody western. I HATE westerns!!!

Actually, I enjoyed this one, even though it had John Wayne in it. She;s a book keeping obsessive who won’t take no for an answer. Surely that’s not me? But the Texas Ranger ended up dead. Now that gutted me. I so wanted him to live…. Films are a pain in the arse when they don’t end the way you want them to.

God knows who SM was supposed to be. Surely not Roster Coburne... he's the opposite of him

[bowlingbun]

So you were watching True Grit? I remember the theme tune, and there was a really persistent female in it. Was it Katherine Hepburn? Anyone else help?

[susieq]

Kim Darby was the actress who played the part of Mattie Ross in True Grit

[Sajehar]

I wish Microsoft Office Professional would leave me alone. I never asked for this, and I’m sick of their pop ups popping up.

Never heard of this actress, although I have heard of Audrey Hepburn. SM showed me his favourite bit from True Grit… actually, I was a bit like that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTMeDBV ... ion_689870

I remember demanding – demanding no less – that the judges at the LVT gave me access to the electricity accounts of the HA.

“I’ll sort this out.”

HA bloke: We have paid consultants…

Me: Well, they’re not doing a very good job are they? Now, do I get the accounts or not?

I got the accounts – two inches thick – and uncovered how they’d been ripping us off. They, Opus Electricity, and then SWALEC, had to pay each and every tenant £127. Not a lot, but it adds up over 150 flats.

The thing is, I do like westerns, but only those spaghetti ones. In my younger days, I had a serious crush on George Van Cleff…. I liked his eyes.

[Sajehar]

I think he's horrible."

"I want to be my mother... **** off!

I don't even know what my wish is, I just wish I knew it! I so admire that bloke who ran into somebody's bodies.

SM: But you have...

No I haven't...

Yes, you have to. Listen to me here....

I'm listening, but I still hear my mum dying, so stuff you!

[Sajehar]

I'd rather be the young bloke on a whaling ship - Channel 4 again - than that wuss who couldn't even defend her own father.

I think maybe I am seriously angry... this is a stage I have to go through apparently.... whatever you say!

[SheWolf]

.

[Sajehar]

At last. This very low grade snuffly cold I’ve had for weeks now has finally broken. I was sneezing so badly yesterday I actually hurt my stomach muscles. But I’d far rather get a cold over and done within a couple of days or so, rather than it drags on for weeks. Oddly enough, I’ve had this weedy cold ever since I had a flu jab (free, because I was mum’s carer.)

I’ve also discovered that I can’t take Co-codomol painkillers. I nicked a couple of dad’s ones as I’d ran out of Ibufren. NEVER take another’s painkillers. But it was such horrible weather, I just swiped his.

Maybe it was me who gave mum her chest infection that I think saw her off? I never even wanted the flu jab in the first place, but I took it anyway.
Next week is mum’s birthday. She went into birth with me on her birthday; she was so pleased. But I wanted my own birthday according to her.

“You were such an awkward little bugger.”

I was born two days later!!!! By ceserian section as we were both dying.

The thing is, I'd like to have the same birthday as my mother... not to be.

[Elaine]

Sajehar,
You sound as if you are wallowing. Stop it. You did NOT cause your Mum's death. You did NOT sign her death warrant. You did NOT desert her or let her down because although you were by her side, which maybe she knew, you happened to close your eyes when she actually passed away. My Mum was sat outside my Dad's curtained hospital bed when he died, because a nurse had said, 'Don't go in for a few minutes', and she waited. She's been beating herself about that ever since. His hand was outstretched towards her. I think he knew she was present.
It was your Mum's time. It was peaceful and quiet and YOU WERE THERE. So was your Dad. It was all quiet and peaceful and there was no anxiety or stress. it was a time to sleep for all three of you and Mum slept too. Mum's sleep was for ever, as all of us will sleep one day. All of us would ask for such a passing. All of us would ask for such a passing for those we love. I'm afraid that my Mum will slip away when I am not even in the room. I'm afraid that one morning I will get a call from the morning carers to say Mum has died in the night and I have been asleep in my bed at home.
Be thankful. Be thankful that you and Dad were present and peaceful. That Mum knew how much she was loved and valued. Do not let your Mum down by self accusations. Value the life she gave you. Make the most of it and be as happy as she wanted you to be. Of course she did, she was your Mum.
x
Elaine

[Sajehar]

But I did fall asleep when I shouldn't have done. But I did. I know i stretched out my hand to her, but she refused to take it. I could've killed her! Why did she not take it? I will never understand that. But she wanted to die when everbody was asleep... that makes sense!

Actualy, it does. Mum, RIP.