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A Tax rose is but a rose by any other name - Page 13 - Carers UK Forum

A Tax rose is but a rose by any other name

Socialise and chat about other areas of your life
687 posts
Spot on, Scally.

By golly, she's training him well....
Me: Flum flip wergle fliff.

SM: Let’s have a look then…. Hmmm….. Not bad, for an NHS dentist.

Cheeky git! I bet my NHS dentist is just as good as his expensive private one. But I was in no position to reply back as half my face and nose were too numb and uncoordinated. Three front fillings in one go does that to you.

Scally & Charles47, You could equally say that he’s training me! I’m looking after myself, and my appearance, far more than before. I’ll never be a Venus incarnate (don’t want to be) but I’ve learnt there’s nothing wrong with “scrubbing up well” (one of my mum’s expressions; SM succeeded where she didn’t) occasionally, and enjoying it… which I do.
More importantly, I’m learning from him that if I REALLY want to get my points across then being less “abrasive and bolshie” actually helps instead of hindering.
He actually taught me a few techniques (from negotiating) that really work!!! I put them into practise at the ball, and they worked (except for one little prick who got all the abrasive bolshiness he deserved.)
So you could say that while I’m radicalising him, he’s moderating me (but not too much.)

As the ancient Greeks used to say, “All things in moderation.” But if I could go in a time machine to those times, my reply back would be, “I agree, but doesn’t that also mean that moderation itself must also be in moderation?”

David C, according to SM, Gentleman Ranker is an ACTUAL term used in the army. It’s the highest insult you can throw at a canker with a W apparently.
I don’t want to get you in trouble with the mods, so could you PM this picture to me that was so offensive?
Just out of sheer curiosity, I’d love to see it.
Sajehar ,i stand corrected ,well i am sitting down but you get the point .
I will try and pm it
Hi Sajehar ,tried to pm you , computer said jip extension not allowed.
If you google Steve Bell ids cartoon you will find it in google images ,it is the one with ids on the roof .
No ,that's not it ,he is on a roof with a bucket in each hand .
I don't think that you realise quite how much talent you have , Sarj. I especially love the verbatim narratives, short and punchy, full of wit, sharp observation and humour. Nobody else here writes like that, this kind of thread is like a comic soap opera that keeps us coming back for more, and that is all down to your skill in reporting dialogue. Have you ever considered writing TV scripts or anything like that?
David C, I found it…. The one where he’s got a cape on; you naughty boy you! ;) :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I finally got to take SM out for the meal at the dive of a pub that does meals for 99p. Well, at least I tried to. When we got there, not only had they stopped doing the 99p meals, they’d stopped doing them all together.

SM: Never mind. Let’s get some drinks, and I challenge you to a game of darts.

Me: But I’m starving hungry.

SM: For someone so little you have the appetite of a horse.

Me: No I don’t…. let’s go to the pub down the road. They do meals ‘for the smaller appetite’ for a fiver. They’re really good.

SM: Sounds good to me. But that’s a 500% increase; why don’t you let me buy them?

Me: Because this is my treat. I’ll take the hit.

SM: At least let me buy the drinks.

Me: Are you sure? They’re dead expensive there.

SM: I think I can take the hit.

We had our meal there instead, and the grub is seriously tasty (SM was impressed) even if their drinks are seriously overpriced (I usually get tap water when I’ve eaten there in the past.)

SM insisted on a darts march, so we went back to the other pub after the meal. He made a big show of weighing up the darts in his hand until he selected one. I called him a pretentious git, and just grabbed the nearest one to hand.

SM: We’ll see. Ladies first.

I didn’t want to admit to him that I hadn’t played darts in like 30 years or more and had forgotten the rules. So I replied:

“Age before beauty… you go first.”

It was then my turn. He was being really snarky, telling me not to forget that I was the dart and the dart was me.
He was trying to put me off. So that’s what I did… just to annoy him.

I stuck my hands out in the air, stood on one foot (like the young bloke from Karate Kid doing that stork thing) and started intoning, in as deep a voice as I could manage, “I am the dart, and the dart is me” over and over again.
I then stood on two feet, making a big show of lining up the dart with my eyes and target, still intoning the dart stuff.
I then threw the bloody thing, and blow me, I hit the effing bull’s-eye. I really did :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

I don’t know who was in more shock, me or him. But that part of the pub erupted in clapping and cheering.

We didn’t finish the game. SM wanted to know how I could be such a crack shot.

“I’m not. It was a coincidence… I was just messing around. Mind you, my dad was a crack shot. You follow the wind, or something.”

To cut a long story short, SM now wants to take me to some shooting range in a place called Altcar. He thinks I’m a natural.

“I hate guns, they’re horrible things.”

“They are, but it helps if you know how to use them.”

“So do I get to use a machine gun?”

“Absolutely not… it’s small arms only….

“What’s a small arm?”

Boring lecture follows about the difference between small arms and machine guns – there’s a lot of lee way as far as I could gather…. Like I care!

We had a good afternoon, and not on a bloody firing range. But I’m quite looking forward to that actually.

I shouldn't be, but I am.
Machine guns are fed by a belt or a magazine ,small arms are ....

what children have :D :D
Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies. Boom! Boom!

Scally, thank you for your kind words. SM thinks along similar lines, and persuaded me to go to a creative writing course. I’d already told him that I wasn’t in the slightest bit interested in writing other than for my own pleasure. I really do enjoy it, but I didn’t want the same thing to happen as happened with being an artist.
I got so sick of the art world, and doing commissions, that I woke up one morning and decided to jack it all in… A bit like a priest who’d lost his faith in god. I haven’t picked up a paintbrush in about 12 years or so.

SM: It’s not that kind of course; it’s more therapy than anything. Nobody’s expected to be the next great novelist.

Me: What do you mean… Therapy?

SM explained that is was designed for people suffering depression, bi polar etc and ex-junkies/alkies as part of their rehabilitation treatment. Me undergoing bereavement counselling qualifies me to attend, and it’s free, plus on going even after official treatment has ended.

SM: Come on…. What have you got to lose? It’s two hours out of your life. All you need is a pad, pen and your reading glasses. I’ll do a deal with you. If you go, just the one time, and don’t like it, I’ll never mention it again.

Me: Two hours! Do they have a ciggie break?

SM: I’ve no idea. I’ll find out. (After whipping out his mobile) Yes, they do. They’d have a riot on their hands if they didn’t.

Me: OHHHHhhhh….. Alright then. Anything to stop your blasted nagging.

SM: So, it’s a deal then?

Me: Deal.

And that’s how I ended up at a creative writing class this afternoon. I hadn’t got a clue what to expect, and I hate to admit this, but I ABSOLUTY LOVED IT. I can’t wait till next week.

It was very scary to begin with – we had to do flash writing (you what!) – but I quickly got into the swing of things.
And all the other people there were so kind to me. I told them I felt like a bit of a fake being there as all I was undergoing was a bit of bereavement counselling. They were having none of it, and couldn’t have been more welcoming, friendly and supportive of ‘the newbie’ (me) if they tried.
It was also bloody good fun, and we laughed a lot. At the end of the class, I felt utterly exhausted, but in a good way.

I can’t wait to show SM my flash writing efforts later tonight. I’m actually quite proud of myself….I actually did it!

I’ll write in more detail about the class later. Creative writing classes are seriously weird, but in a good way.
687 posts