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50th birthday blues - Carers UK Forum

50th birthday blues

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Hi, My 50th birthday was on Monday. I had plans that went to pot. Last year I sold our house to move to somewhere better for my wife's health and as it needed repairs I couldn't afford. We found a secured and adapted accommodation but they didn't"t take pets so we took it on the hope of finding somewhere for us all to be. This happened last month and is the reason I was hanging on to the little money we had. Because of her disabilities I wanted this to be the last move we ever make. I usually book a night away on my birthdays but knowing the possibilities of moving I didn't this year even though it was my 50th. I did however plan for us to go to our nearest city and we were going to have a nice lunch and wander round. I had collected my voucher for a balloon flight from my parents the day before, my wife had already got me to get the book I wanted which had already arrived as had my brother in law's voucher. I only had his card and my parent"s one, none from my wife, brother, sisters, step daughters or any other family. I don't have any real friends so that wasn't an issue. Because of all this then the day out seemed really special. Last Friday the district nurse said she would see us on Monday and this one comes by 10 ish so that was good apart from when it got to Monday we waited until about 5 until one turned up. It was a different nurse. So my food plans went out the window as well as our day out. I enjoyed a day out yesterday but it wasn't the same. Looking after my wife I was looking forward to a little treat for me on a special birthday. I see all my old school friends on Facebook going here or enjoying a meal out and I know I shouldn't feel envious but that's how I feel at the moment. I feel a bit better posting this though.
Hi Andrew
I am so sorry your birthday didn't turn out too well.
As a child I worked out that birthdays often didn't reach expectations, there just seemed too much pressure for everything to be perfect. So I've always had a second birthday on my half year and that is lovely. We have a day out and a meal and it always works out fine. We do the same for our various Christmas birthdays too, they have half birthday special days too.
Maybe you could have a second one ? I think you deserve it

I'm sorry too that your special birthday expectations were disappointing. I used to feel, oh well I have that and this to look forward to, then was let down with myself. I now dread any celebrations. Now I just think, oh well they come and go and find it easier to think that way. Then any enjoyment is a pleasant surprise.
Hopefully you will get a meal, outing or whatever you would like, when least expected, and will enjoy.
You have every right to feel disappointed, but now maybe can guard yourself from it again.
Definitely have a 'deferred birthday' instead. I agree there is always pressure on the day itself. Sometimes these things just go totally wrong.

Plan for another treat - or even a series of little treats.

We want our 'milestones' to be 'memorable' but when they 'go wrong' we feel doubly bad.

It's like Xmas - I sometimes think it would be a lot easier to celebrate the Orthodox date on 6th January - a lot less pressured!!!!
Hi Andrew

Sorry to hear about your birthday washout. Remember that 50 is the new 30 so have some belated birthday cyber dancers to cheer you up.

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I’m with Jenny Lucas on this one, have a second birthday. My nephew’s birthday is just a couple of days before Christmas and nearly all his presents were double-up ones. So I gave him a second birthday on 21st June. We still celebrate it even though he’s nearly 30. As I said to my nephew, “The queen has two birthdays. If it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for you.”

Did you get to go on your balloon ride? I couldn’t make out if you did or not from your post.

Belated Happy birthday, and have a b'day cyber kiss

Sajehar :kiss:
Yes, you definitely deserve a second birthday. Proper ones are overrated!

This time you can choose a day when no nurses etc will get in the way, buy yourself the present you always wanted and /or buy in a special breakfast to wake up to, either go out for a meal or order in... no cooking!

If The Mad Hatter can do it, so can we!

Wishing you a very happy unbirthday xxx
At least you get a birthday every year, I only get one every four!
That is definitely not fair! All the more reason for you to have a very happy unbirthday too.xxx
Thanks everyone,

I needed that out of my system. We had planned to go out on Saturday and having done so ( no meal but a special milkshake ) that was all I needed. That was also the first chance we have both had to go out together dince November. My wife was on hospital over Christmas and couldn't gi out after. I had an ooeration in January and couldn't gi out for 6 weeks, tgen we moved and my wife had another stay in hospital. So I now feel a lot better. Tbank you all.
Sorry your birthday did not go as planned happy 50th birthday,my hubby was 50 on sat x