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Surely there is a better way. When my mum was ill, the doctor talked to mum about DNR, she agreed that she wanted "nature to take it's course" as she was frail with a worsening condition. I think it is up to the doctors of frail patients to take the lead, after all, they are the experts in end of life care. They should also ask the patient if they want this information to be shared, and that would include you, with a copy given to mum. (The NHS has a "Critical Care" form which is shared with various other people, including ambulance staff, which has a snapshot of a poorly patient's medical history). This should be shared with everyone concerned with the care of the patient, which should include the care agency. Before a care agency is appointed, then this sort of information should be collected by them as part of a proper "care plan". If the proper conversations are held, and information shared, then you, or the carer, should know exactly what the patient wants you to do - without anyone other than the doctor having to ask. There is a concept in Social Services that "services should be co ordinated at the point of delivery" and surely, the DNR decision is one that a patient should have to have with Uncle Tom Cobbly and all?