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Royal Wedding ? A View From The Street ... Aka Gulag - Carers UK Forum

Royal Wedding ? A View From The Street ... Aka Gulag

Please feel free to join in or start any games.
Just under 24 hours or so until kick off.

Preparations almost completed ... last minute deployment of snipers ... to keep down the homeless who dare venture in ?

I trust that the caterers won't mix up the expected deliveries with those destined for the local foodbanks ?

Come Monday , the thought of some locals opening a tin of caviar and spitting out the contents ... and some wag suggesting a drop of custard to ease the flavour ?

Me ? Always prefered a can with a dollop of ENGLISH mustard !

As for the Royals ... " Good heavens , this red coloured caviar is the best I ever tasted ! " ... refering to any supermarket's low priced baked beans.

Turning to his manservant ... " Jeeves , can you find me a case of this cavair ? "

Quick thinking Jeeves replies ... " No problem , and quite reasonable , around £ 100 per tin ... and there's me expenses , of course. "

Nice drink as a perk of the job , hey Jeeves ... as well as certain photographs which will be your " Pension " ?

Local homeless now " Housed " elsewhere ... perhaps HOUSED being the wrong word in this context ... local militia to detain any suspected to be " Disbelievers " on the day ... one local scout troup already " No shows " as most are from the poorer side of the manor ... not enough boot polish to go round ... and the local foodbank didn't have enough in stock !

As for the foodbanks , signs such as " Sponsored by the DWP " have been removed , and empty cans of premium priced soup / vegeatables and caviar placed on display in the windows.

New signs with a German flavour ... in keeping in with the Royals ... " Arbeit Macht Frei " ... possibly a smelling mistake if contracted to a British signwriter ... which , for most Royals , is a conundrum ? ... even the £ 300 per day caper ... Royals are disbarred from either Chamber !

For some , no relief for the occasional appearance in a far off land fronting an arms deal ???

" Can't have a decent drink in those places without my manservant having his hand cut off ! "

( Editors note : One reason why a pint of Adnams Broadside ... in a straight glass ... carries the death penalty in such lands ? In which case , a second pint cannot do any more damage ? ... even three ?

All mobile phones are to be switched off in case a huge cheer goes up if Chelsea score first ... especially on the pitch if a Royal has had a tenner bet on the first goal ?

After passing a motion that no beggars would be allowed anywhere near the pitch , one councillor did raise a point about some of the Royals on display !

As for the clear up operation afterwards , the homeless have been warned not to find their usual spots UNTIL that operation is ended.

Otherwise , some homeless might land up at the local landfill site in said clear up operation ... much to the anguish of the local bigwigs , who were hoping for a more , permanent , solution.





" Super sub starts , not on the bench ! "

Pundits question the decision ... when based on his past performance on the big occasion ???

Prediction ?

Chelski 2-1.

Rematch in ... 5 years time ... only winners in that one will be the divorce lawyers ???

Number of early Christmas cards coloured red and yellow dished out to set a new world record.

An American bride ? ... make it 4 ... most have a short fuse !
I think the spoof programme 'The Windsors - Royal Wedding' caught it perfectly!

All that said, if any one is moaning about the 'waste of tax payers money'....the chilling report of Carillion collapsing shows where the public money REALLY gets wasted. Utterly disgraceful. (There'l lbe an outcry but nothing will change - the Snouts in the Public Trough will continue...)
Had to smile ... Daily Chuckle pundits lambass the tv coverage.

After all , the great man has now retired.


Even made a boring 0-0 sound interesting !

The earler match ... Snipers v. Homeless ... finished bodyless ... not one shot on target !

One sniper did , however , assist a Russian Oligarch who was having difficulty in opening a bottle of champers ... anything Mrs. Peel can do ... hey Steed ?

A double header for a well known Royal was called off at the last moment as a certain Mr. Oswald failed to show.

Discovered a few minutes later having a sandwich at the back of a local book shop , reading an obscure book entitled " The Life and Times of a Patsy. "

In a previous life , " 101 Ways to avoid being a Patsy " more appropriate ?