I'd say - insist on a capacity assessment.

Don't feel selfish. Think of it as essential self-maintenance. You know it won't help either of you if you run yourself down so much you have nothing left to give.

Unfortunately, he's very hard work. Caring begins to bring things into focus, doesn't it? It's made me realise how cut off my childhood was - Dad had basically cut all ties with his family, and most of my mum's family lived oop north. Once my gran died (I was 11), they didn't keep up contact with an...

A carer will probably be an employee of his/her caree. I'm speaking having had to be an HMRC expert for a while. There's this from Carers UK: Employing a care worker directly If the person you are looking after employers a care worker directly (even if this is a family member or friend), then they w...

Nice try!

He's basically a recluse. I don't think he likes people much - not just his family when he was growing up. Not that he'd ever admit that as he goes vague about anything personal. No self-reflection. It's not age related - it's another thing he's always had. *sigh*

Alas, he repels all boarders. He doesn't like socialising.

Brilliant thought, though!

Can you spend any time with him 'draining his memories' so to speak! I did this with MIL while she still could, and got as much 'family history' off her as possible, including going through old photo and getting names and dates and places down as much as possible. I tried that, about 5 years ago. U...

Oh gods - isn't that the worst intrusion? More {{{{hugs}}}}}

thanks, Jenny. Funnily enough, I started down that road today, before I read your response. I just need to get used to it, I guess.

Both you and your sister can apply for a carers assessment. https://www.helpandcare.org.uk/services/information-and-signposting/factsheets/carers-allowance/carers-allowance-factsheet/ That link states: If you share your caring role with another person, and you both provide 35 hours of care per week...