Penny, that sounds very familiar. It took me over a year after my mum's death not to panic when the phone rang. Previously it was always bad news. Even now in M&S I can't buy the jellies with real fruit in them as that is what I fed her in her last weeks when she was refusing to eat. Peter, I agree ...

Peter, Just sending a ((hug)). The issue with dementia is that you grieve for the person long before they die. You are going through a grieving process and tragically dementia gradually takes away the person while they are still alive. That may sound harsh but I went through it with my mum. I know t...

Hi Jo, In reality, in these cash-stricken times, it is very often the relatives who have to scream for additional care. The carers are too busy to flag these issues frequently. Mum has the right to decline all support (and live with those consequences) while she has mental capacity. A medical profes...

Peter, I see nothing wrong with that thought. Just shows you are human. I was concerned about my mum's appearance too. I think because dementia strips away the sufferer's dignity. I did not want her dignity stripped away any more than it had to; it was something which one could control. I also knew ...

Hi Megan, It is difficult for any of us to give an entirely accurate response without seeing your contract. Does your contract state that you need to work overtime if required? As a carer, you do have some rights as you are "disabled by association". You would be entitled to time off for emergencies...

Hi Stephanie, Just wanted to welcome you to the Forum too. Your dad clearly needs residential care (nursing care, not just a care home). You and your mum will need to stay Very Firm with Social Services and insist that your mum can no longer care for your dad. If you can possibly do so, I would reco...

Hello Tony, Welcome to the Forum. I hope you find it useful. Do you look after your wife by yourself? I cared for my mum with dementia and found it incredibly tough, especially the sleepless nights. Do you manage to get any respite at all? Take a look round the Forum and join in where you want. Any ...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, Kate. This is a dreadful year for so many and you have more than most to deal with. Please use us as you see fit. Ask questions, rant away or just chat, our shoulders are broad and sadly we all have experience of caring in one form or another. Think...

Hi Elizabeth, Welcome to the Forum. I am sure you know already that this cannot continue. You do not need your dad's permission to contact Social Services. His needs override his wants at this stage. I would suggest contacting them urgently for a care assessment. You will need to raise merry hell to...

I too am an only child, Patricia, and everything fell on me. On the plus side, you are able to make decisions without consulting anyone else. Good to hear you feel a bit less alone. My only advice at this stage - GP and then lists, every time you have a difficult call, make a note of it, time, date,...