Single Mums, and general musings on parenthood...

[Scally]

I don't want to hijack another thread, so thought it might be worth starting a new one. As a husband, (x2), a carer and a parent, I know that partnership is very tough at times, but I also value having a partner who can share the care, however much we might row at times. We have been together for 23 years now, and I cant say it hasnt had its ups and downs, but then , who doesnt?

Good article, I hope it has an effect and people stop and think before becoming carers.

Some people don't have a choice about it .............. As a single parent to 3 special needs children .

I dont want to beat up on single Mums, nor to probe individual and often painful circumstances, but it does bother me that so many kids grow up without a father taking an active interest. Of course I know all the feminist arguments, (yeah we blokes are all drunken lazy bums, etc etc) and some of these complaints even have a glimmer of truth! But I also feel sad that the special bond that creating a child gives to a man and a woman so often doesnt last the course of seeing those kids reach adulthood.

As carers, however much we fight with our spouse, we are still far stronger as a unit, well thats my take on it. Why is it so hard to make up our differences, mainly for the sake of the kids, but also for our own sanity and out of mutual interest?

[MaryB]

As carers, however much we fight with our spouse, we are still far stronger as a unit, well thats my take on it. Why is it so hard to make up our differences, mainly for the sake of the kids, but also for our own sanity and out of mutual interest?

I think the opposite Excalibur, being a carer instead of a regular parent puts extra stress on a relationship, couples are never far stronger as a unit if they are at loggerheads.
I will be shot down in flames for this but many fathers struggle more than mothers with the knowledge that their child is disabled, particularly if it is a boy.
Over the years I have been active on several autism forums and very few members have been men but there could be lots of reasons for that, what has become clear though is that virtually all the single mothers have said their husbands couldn't cope with their child being handicapped in any way.
Vicky

[NanaNana]

When my son was born he had a drooping eyelid which almost covered the pupil of one eye. He had to go for an operation when he was four, to have the ligament shortened to pull his eyelid up and had to wear glasses for a long time after that, even past the time of starting school. All my ex was concerned about was when the time would come when son wouldn't need to wear glasses, that's all he could think about. Every time we went for eye tests, he'd continually ask whether son needed glasses any more.
He just couldn't handle it that his son needed glasses and that there was something not quite 'perfect' about him.
And by the way, ex wears glasses all the time.

Grandson's biological 'father' can't bear the thought that he is mildly asthmatic (and damp Feb weather makes it worse) and has to use an inhaler some nights before bed.
'Dad' is asthmatic himself and so is his half-sister.

[MaryB]

Yes, I think there is this idea of cigars all round for proud dad who will watch son play football, talk about "man stuff", go for first pint together, commiserate each other about women, etc.
Can't talk with any great authority on other disabilities but non verbal autism with SLD is for some, a massive hurdle to get over, even HFA and anxiety isn't the preconceived idea of maleness, despite the fact that there is a school of thought that says autism is in fact the extreme end of the male condition.
You can imagine how well that goes down in our domestics
Vicky