I don't think anyone should expect their children to care for them; visiting, helping out round the house, that sort of thing is fine but caring - as most of us here know it - is such a huge amount of work and for many is a burden. I wouldn't want my son to have to sacrifice his life for me in the same way I've sacrificed mine for him; I wouldn't wish the life I live currently on anybody. My aims are to get my son as settled, independent and well looked after as I possibly can, to look after my own health as well as possible, save as much money as I can, keep myself as busy and occupied as I can do and just hope for the best. I know for certain I will keep moving and downsizing as necessary according to my capabilities and would rather go into some sort of sheltered/retirement type accommodation, should I need to, as early as possible, rather than waiting until it's an emergency type of situation. If I get to the point where my quality of life is very poor (and I'm aware of it; obviously it's different if your mind isn't as firm as it used to be) then to be honest I'd have no qualms about having a nice day out with my loved ones and then going home to take a load of tablets. I apologise if that's offensive to anyone as I know these sort of things draw strong opinions and I don't write it to try and create an argument, but for me personally, I see no point in being here if I'm in constant pain, constantly alone and can't manage even the basics such as keeping clean and feeding myself properly. I'm not for one second advocating that as a way of dealing with people who have lost their health but for me quality of life is important and I don't want to spend my last years simply enduring the day.
I think the one good thing about caring (and it probably is the only good thing for me!) is that it has made me think a lot about my health, my older years and how to prepare for them. I think most of us know only too well how scant support is and I think that will only get worse as the years go by. I'm always astonished as I watch people I know chucking back the booze, having another ciggie, eating another burger and I think my word, if you knew how hard life is if you aren't able to look after yourself and/or go to work you'd be eating mung beans and drinking mineral water! My intention is to do as much as I can with my life and just to try and keep my health going well for as long as possible. I think I will sort out one of those living will type things at some point as well so my wishes are known if I get to a point where I can't make decisions although I don't know much about that so will have to look into it. It's not a nice thing to think about and prepare for but I do think more people need to take a 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst' approach.
It does cross my mind where my mum is concerned; I've not spoken to my mum for over ten years because of family abuse that went on for a long time but I know I couldn't just leave her if she was unable to care for herself and was alone. That said, I also know I'd resent it because I know they've had a lot of money (that they could have put away to pay for care in their older years) that they've spent on holidays and endlessly re-decorating their house. I know people say you work all your life so you should enjoy your retirement but I do think blowing the lot and leaving nothing in reserve in case your health fails is crazy. To be honest it's a situation I'm just hoping I don't have to deal with but it does cross my mind from time to time and it's very hard.
